What is natural for every child is to continue his life with his parents. However, when harmony and happiness disappear between couples, a more negative family structure may emerge for the child. This situation may lead to a divorce decision between couples. Studies have shown that when the process is managed correctly, divorce does not have a direct traumatic effect on children. (Birdal, 2016) When it comes to managing the process correctly, the first thing that comes to mind is giving the news of the divorce and informing the child correctly about other changes that will occur in the child's life.
One of the first and important steps is to convey the divorce process to children correctly. One of the important factors in every topic discussed with children is the age of the child. For this reason, it is important to provide information according to the age of the child.
The ideal situation when conveying the divorce decision to children is for the mother and father to convey the situation to the child together. It is recommended that the child have a place (room) where he/she feels safe and is familiar with it.
Children between the ages of 3-5 do not have the cognitive structure to understand the concept of divorce abstractly. For this reason, it is sufficient to declare that the decision to live in separate houses has been made, without using the word divorce. A short and clear explanation such as 'your mother and father will now live in a separate house, you will be able to see and reach them whenever you want' will be sufficient. It is necessary to answer the child's questions. This age period is a time when the child has a self-centered nature. The child may think that his father will leave home because of his misbehavior. It should be underlined that the divorce decision has nothing to do with the child's behavior, but is related to the problems experienced between adults.
As children socialize after the age of 5, their ideas about the concept of divorce begin to form. For this reason, he/she needs more explanation and may ask more questions. In this age group, it may be necessary to make general, non-accusatory explanations about the reasons for divorce. It is important that parents do not speak accusingly to each other or attribute the reasons for divorce to each other.
After the age of 12 and during adolescence, children are generally unresponsive to the news of divorce and their emotions It can be described as a period when he did not share his identity. Here, it is necessary to give children the opportunity to express their feelings, share the reasons for the divorce decision in more detail, and then make detailed explanations about how the process will proceed.
There are some statements that do not change and remain constant in every age period. The most important thing is that the mother and father can talk without blaming each other and that the child does not feel responsible for the divorce decision. It should be clearly stated that divorce will change the relationship between parents, that there will be no change in the child's relationship with his mother or father, and that it should not be perceived as a separation from his parents. There should not be any hope that the parents will be able to reunite, and the couple must agree and stand firm on this issue.
A safe and routine relationship with the child's parents, even if they are separate (phone calls every evening before bedtime, not disrupting meeting days, etc.). .) development, being able to easily reach each parent when needed, and getting support from an expert when it is noticed that the feelings that the child is having difficulty with or cannot cope with, ensure that the divorce process is managed in a healthy way.
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