The orientation process is to ensure that children get used to school. Different behaviors can be observed in each child during the adaptation process to school. Most children begin to adjust to school after the orientation period. He learns to cope with being separated from his mother for a while. He knows his mother will pick him up after school.
Every child may become anxious during the adaptation period to school. This process is easier with the correct attitudes of parents and school. There are children who do not get used to school even after months. It may be a little more difficult for these children to get used to school than for other children. Children who have difficulty adjusting to school; He does not want to leave his mother, gets anxious when he leaves his mother, rejects activities or games, and constantly waits for his mother to come from the window. What are the characteristics that distinguish these children from other children? While most children get used to school, why do some children not? What are the characteristics of children who cannot get used to school? In this article, I will talk about children who cannot get used to school.
Children who have an insecure bond with their mother have difficulty adjusting to school.
The biological, safe and emotional relationship established between a child and his/her mother or caregiver in the first years of his/her life. We call it connecting. It is important for attachment that a mother wants her child from the moment he is conceived and waits with excitement. After the child is born, touching him affectionately, caressing him, making eye contact, feeding him, cleaning his diaper, and speaking in a soft voice are the basics of attachment.
There are many types of attachment. These; secure, insecure, anxious/avoidant, anxious/conflicted and insecure/disorganized attachment. We can simply divide attachment into two: secure and insecure attachment. In order for attachment to occur, trust must be built between mother and child over time. Attachment is not just the love between child and parent. The parent must be able to soothe his child and meet his needs. In order for secure attachment to occur, the parent must be loving, accepting, curious and playful. In secure attachment, children know that they can cope and overcome even if they encounter difficulties. Even if they start school, they can cope with this separation for a while and know that their mothers will come and pick them up. to be safe Attachment may also be a bonding problem with the mother's own family. The mother's postpartum depression or serious traumatic experiences during birth/postpartum also prevent secure attachment. In insecure connection; Children see short-term separations as danger. They cannot cope with negative emotions. They panic in a crisis situation. Especially if there is no good explanation about the school, he may think that he is going to a scary place.
Children who cannot get used to kindergarten after orientation should be closely observed. If your child is still not used to school after 2-3 months, the reasons should be investigated. Attachment problems underlie most school adaptation problems. Pay attention to how you bond with your child in the first years of your life. Was it a secure attachment? An insecure attachment? In an insecure attachment, the child feels in danger in an environment where you are not present. He panics and worries. It sticks to your leg and doesn't come apart. His stomach starts to hurt and he feels nauseous. Anxiety hits his body. Since he cannot express himself, his body reacts instead. When he wakes up every morning, he doesn't want to go to school. His anxiety starts at night and he doesn't want the next day to come. He becomes uncomfortable when he hears the word "school". This word makes him even more worried. If you have a child who cannot get used to school, do not forget this factor.
Unresolved traumas negatively affect adjustment to school.
Unresolved traumas are unfinished negative life experiences whose effects are still ongoing. If a child has unresolved traumas, it will be equally difficult for him/her to adjust to school. It is very difficult for a child who has lost a loved one to start school. He will not want to leave the rest for fear of losing him. Because if he leaves, he will not be able to control it and may think that he may lose them too.
Children with a fear of losing out will be slower to get used to school than other children. It may be difficult for children who experience verbal or physical violence in their families to adapt to school. He may have difficulty trusting people in the new environment he enters. He may think that he will be harmed by his teachers or friends at school. A child who has a thief breaking into his house may think that a thief may come to school and kidnap him. Unless unresolved traumas are resolved, the child It may also be delayed for your child to get used to school. These traumas need to be resolved with the help of a specialist.
Different family attitudes confuse the child.
You must have heard that attitudes should be close in child development. The basis of children's behavioral problems may be the different upbringing attitudes of parents. It is very important that your attitudes are close to your child who is in the process of adapting to school. From the moment you decide to start school, your conversations at home affect the child. If the mother says, "The little one should not go to school" and the father says, "It is time for school, he should go", the child may be confused. He may be torn between whether to go to school or not. The caregiver's inability to separate from the child or not wanting him or her to go to school also affects the process.
A caregiver was taking care of a 4-year-old girl after raising her two children. The family decided for the child to start school. The babysitter had the duty of bringing her to school. Because the caregiver had established a dependent relationship with the child, he or she could not give healthy messages about the child's adaptation to school. The babysitter was crying while dropping the child off at school. The child, who did the orientation with his caregiver, was very confused. He was torn between whether to get used to school or not. The caregiver thought he was going to a dangerous environment because he left her at school crying. The reason for the delay in the adaptation process to school was determined to be the unhealthy attitudes of the caregiver. They give some messages to whoever looks after the child. Caregivers also play an important role in helping children adjust to school. Statements from a family member such as "he shouldn't go to school today" make it difficult for the child to adapt. Grandparents/caregivers who do not want the child to go to school also negatively affect the process. Grandparents who look after the child until a certain age can also postpone the start of school. The child may be torn between going to school and not going to school due to the message he receives from them. Even if the family is determined, children may have difficulty adjusting to school as the grandparents do not want to separate from the child and do not want them to start school.
Pay attention to changing life events.
Situations such as moving, birth of a sibling, and divorce before starting school make the adaptation process difficult. The child could not control his life He/she may not want to enter a new environment in a busy and changing life. In this process, it is necessary to understand the child's difficulty in getting used to school. These changes, which affect even adults, affect children's lives even more. Starting school is a big change for children. It is very difficult for children to cope with many changes at the same time. Everyone can feel stressed when their routine is disrupted. When their children's routine is disrupted, they may feel anxious and tense. That's why a good explanation of the changes in advance is very important.
Anxious children cannot get used to school.
If a child is anxious, there is either someone in his family who is anxious or he may have a trauma. At the same time, there may be concern about genetic factors. Often the parents' anxiety is transferred to the child. Anxious children may feel in danger whenever entering a new environment. And if there are anxious statements about school, his anxiety may increase even more. It is very important to comfort the anxious child and make him/her feel safe. It is necessary to be aware that the anxious parent's anxiety will be passed on to the child. Unless parents manage to control their anxiety and remain calm, children cannot calm themselves down.
School is a new environment with many stimuli. This process can make every child a little anxious. However, anxious children may panic in this new environment. They may show exaggerated and violent behavior compared to other children. They may think that something bad will happen to them at school at any moment. They cannot calm down easily when separated from their mother. They do not want to go to school the next day, they begin to experience physical complaints and have nightmares. The anxiety mechanism of anxious children is impaired. Instead of concern, they may feel terrified. The cause of children's anxiety should not be attributed solely to the family or trauma. The effect of genetic factors should also not be forgotten. The important thing is to know how to handle an anxious child. It is to focus on what can be done to get them used to school.
In this article; I explained the main reasons why children cannot get used to school. Next week I will write suggestions about what can be done for these children.
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