Peer relationships play a big role in children's development. During the development process, intense relationships with peers provide the child with many opportunities to demonstrate adequate social adaptation and acquire the necessary
social skills. Here it will be useful to briefly review the development and functions of peer
relationships. It has been suggested that children's ability to display cooperation skills or behavior in a manner appropriate to other people and the target begins around the age of 4. For example, a child who always wants to play alone when he is 5 years old may turn into a person who lacks social skills in the future. According to this view, the child's social behavior in the play environment is related to his ability to adapt to the environment and establish relationships.
With the start of school, the importance of peers in life begins to increase.
Children realize that being able to make friends and participate in different play activities depends on the acceptance they receive by the group
. Even when they no longer want to spend time with their
peers, they cannot get away from them as easily as before, because they have to spend most of their time at school.
The preschool child tends to play with peers of the same gender, but this
distinction does not exist in primary school. becomes more evident during the period. During this period, children become much closer to their fellow humans. Some differences are noticeable in the group structures of boys and girls. Girls' groups
are smaller and involve more talking, whereas boy groups are larger and involve more
movement.
The school-age child expands his horizons beyond the family unit and opens up to the outside world through the friendships he makes. In the preschool years, play ensures that the number of positive social interactions and joint activities, which are the basis of friendship, gradually increases. Aggressive behavior increases between the ages of two and four, but decreases thereafter. In school age, rules and social roles become increasingly important and gender differences in social activities become evident. As children reach school age, the permanence of friendships increases and girls form stronger relationships with a limited number of children. While men make friends with more children. During this phase, peer friendships become very important. Children want to fit in and belong to a supportive group of peers. Adapting to a peer group and having adequate social skills are very important for the child to achieve high self-esteem.
When the child starts primary school, his friends become indispensable. Friends and teachers are important. Play groups are large, they can set the rules of the game and warn the new children to comply with them. They want to stand out in games. During this period, feelings of competition and jealousy come to the fore, it is important to have your own thoughts accepted and to be a leader. Everything he learns by spontaneously realizing is very important. At this age, teasing each other and calling each other names are very common.
Through friendship, the child learns how his friend can interpret an event (taking his toy without permission), causing him to react with anger (shouting and hitting), and then interpreting this event in a way that produces negative consequences (emotional upset, fight-punishment). begins to think and understand. The child's ability to see events from another person's point of view gives him the opportunity to regulate his own behavior and adapt to his environment based on his understanding of another person's attitudes, feelings and motivations.
When the child reaches the age of 7, they begin to be more meticulous in choosing friends. They may have 1-2 good and constant friends. Being a confidant is very important, but it cannot be said that they keep secrets very well. Friends play a particularly important role in school adaptation. If their relationships with friends at school are going well, they like school very much, but if there is something wrong in their relationships, they may not want to go to school or they go reluctantly. They care deeply about their friends' opinions, but they quickly forget the decisions they made for their relationships. At this point, it may be useful to give the child the opportunity to produce his own solutions by using the active listening method, instead of reminding him of the decision he made as a parent or giving advice. Hoping for them to have consistent and stable relationships as adults is an age-inappropriate and unrealistic expectation.
They like small group games, but in this period Since they perceive the rules as definitive and unchangeable in terms of moral development, they react (even slightly) to changes in the rules in group games. When two people are playing and everything is going well, a third person entering the environment can complicate things. Here, the concern of not being the first choice is dominant. Almost all children of this age have a desire to be the first choice of their friends. In play groups with three or more people, they may experience contradictory relationships, such as not being able to attract the leader, rebelling against the rules set by him, but also not being able to give up being friends with him. They have an egocentric approach in that the rules should either not be broken or they should be changed only by themselves. This is mostly due to the fact that they do not yet have the ability to evaluate themselves. Fights and arguments occur frequently. It is observed that at this age, boys prefer physical aggression and girls prefer verbal aggression. They may have very cruel criticism and behavior towards each other.
At 8-9 years of age, friend groups are short-term. Being a confidant is important. If their friendships are good, they come to school with pleasure, but if something goes wrong, they may not want to go to school. Therefore, instead of giving advice such as 'You should go to school', active listening should be done and the student should be allowed to produce their own solutions. They have the idea that the rules of the games should never be broken or that they should change them themselves. Girls prefer verbal aggression and boys prefer physical aggression. Name calling and teasing each other are common.
During primary school age, children also form their views on their own gender. Children are often careful to establish relationships with playmates of the same sex. Forming friendships between the ages of six and twelve is one of the most important tasks of late childhood, and it is a social skill that will continue throughout their lives. Developmentally ready to develop complex relationships. Gradually, he becomes more aware of his feelings and thoughts. At this age, he is no longer as attached to his family as before, and his self-interest has also decreased. He now begins to trust his peers more in friendship and enjoy socializing with his friends. begins to spend more time compared to the pre-pubescent period. Day after day, they share the joys and disappointments of childhood. He or she is less dependent on adults.
How can you help if your child has poor social skills and has difficulty making friends?
Follow Your Child's Language Development: Depending on language development, the child can understand more complex information about social
activities, and learns to look at events from other people's perspectives by enriching his/her communication. While we help our child develop his/her social
skills in primary school age, our long-term plan is to support the child's language development
and provide extensive communication opportunities. Our short-term plan is to analyze the social understanding of your child who has problems in social
interaction.
Teach Your Child Social Skills to Accept Himself: When the child makes progress in
language development, He/she learns social skills that will help him/her be accepted by his/her peers. When the child
understands the social world, his/her behavior will be more harmonious. Some behavioral patterns
help the child gain more acceptance. These; being friendly, sharing,
being helpful, liking to play games, knowing new games, acting fairly in the game, knowing how to keep secrets, respecting other people's privacy, being reliable, not lying, being fun, having similar interests with peers.
Provide Your Child with the Opportunity to Play with Their Peers: As we mentioned before, the experiences that the child gains from the relationships he establishes with his peers are very important. Children who have the chance to play with their peers from a young age
have more advantages when they enter the school environment, and they have less difficulty in adapting to new groups.
Play with Your Child as if He/she is His Age:
/strong> Children who frequently play games with their parents
have more developed social skills to communicate with their peers.
According to observations, parents of children with high social skills smile more frequently, do not criticize the child during play, and do not criticize the child during the game. They are parents who are sensitive to people's opinions. In a game that is played equally and sensitivity to the child's ideas is essential, the child learns to play in the same way as his/her peers and gives the child a positive
perspective on playing with his/her peers.
Social Relations and Values with Your Child Talk About:Children who talk more frequently to their parents about their relationships with
peers are the ones who are liked more by the children in their class and whose social skills are considered to be higher by their teachers. These conversations, which are made as a part of daily
conversation, should not be like teaching a lesson, but should be in a way that the child will enjoy
. These conversations allow the child to exchange information.
Exhibit a Problem-Solving Approach: Parents do not have to know the answers to all of their children's problems or solve them. When your child tells you about a problem with his/her friends, you can help him see various solutions and perspectives
by talking to him about it. Studies have shown that children whose parents talk to their children about possible solutions are those who can offer different alternatives in problem solving and can solve their problems more easily. That's why it's so useful for children to learn to think about their relationships and weigh the consequences. Children who are encouraged to consider the
feelings and needs of others establish better
relationships with their peers.
Approve Your Child's Positive and Appropriate Strategies: Problem-solving ability
When parents of developed children talk about solutions, they give positive encouragement
to strategies that will not cause the child to lose his friend
or the game to end. Children who approach problems in a conciliatory manner are more accepted than children who act aggressively. We can teach our child this skill by listening to him/her and talking to him.
If your child is unsuccessful in the social field, show a positive attitude: As we mentioned before
friendship in school children. It is quite common for me to fail
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