Some marriages start from the very beginning with a passionless, limited and unexciting sexuality, without eroticism. Many marriages, which start out exciting, passionate and sexually enjoyable, can become unerotic after a while. , is based on comfort and the importance of being a family.
Freedom, risk, eroticism and excitement are reflected as things that happen in the world outside of marriage. The projection process is basically a defense system that the ego uses to protect itself. In this way, a person perceives himself as someone who is true, honest, good, reliable, that is, as someone who has everything he believes to be positive. The negative ones are outside, beyond oneself.
A wide variety of defenses are used for the opposite poles that are reflected in the spiritual structure of the person and whose energy is never lost.
The first and most frequently used unconscious schema is 'Fight outside with those you reflect so that they never enter your castle.' In other words, when a person sees what he reflects outside, he becomes angry, reactive, jealous and conservative. (In fact, in this way, he keeps under control the things that are inside him but that he accepts as negative.)
Another obvious rule about what is reflected is that the opposites that are reflected outside of marriage also create an area of attraction for people. The person begins to look outside for the sexuality, passion and energy that he has not experienced or allowed to experience in his married life. Symptoms such as extramarital affairs, hobbies fueled by excessive curiosity, and a busy work life that does not know what a holiday is, can become sources of passion and energy for those who are not experienced and kept alive in marriage.
In the end, what remains is energyless, boring, but safe. and it is a familiar marriage area. Even if you go to Paris ten times together, this city, despite all its beauties, may become a boring place for you.
One morning, you get up from bed with your partner and say that our sexual relationship is colorless and unexciting, and go to a sexual therapist. If you go there, one of their first suggestions will be 'use your fantasies'. Although it may seem like a bold statement, we really need fantasies. They are healthy fictions that temporarily reconcile and bring us together with the polarities that we grieve, but that we do not dare to contain in ourselves or in our relationship, or that we are ashamed of.
Again, when you consider marriage through the lens of what is not kept alive and what is reflected, classically, after a while, spouses will say to each other, 'feminine'. or they discover many different aspects of themselves, along with their masculine side. In other words, they actually complement these aspects in themselves. What has been discovered is familiar, safe, but no longer exciting... Passion for what is possessed decreases...
So what should we do for a healthy and exciting sexual life in marriage?
- We are as we are. Let's be like this, let's take responsibility for what we reflect instead of letting it live inside us... In other words, let's discover and keep alive our childish, immoral, free, passionate, erotic side within marriage. Let's write aside Ester Perelin's words, "There is no democracy in bed." (Research shows that people regularly dream of fantasies that are considered abnormal by society, but they do not realize them. -For example, you can try fantasies such as texting with your partner as a stranger or meeting for the first time in a hotel.)
- A relationship in which there is no possibility of separation is safe, but unexciting. It is observed that many men and women desire their spouses more when they feel that their spouses are liked by others or after a small attempt to escape (email, message, etc.). Therefore, no one should be completely complacent in marriage, but should take the necessary care of themselves and their spouses.
- When you strengthen the communication between spouses and improve non-sexual areas of marriage, sexual life in marriage becomes more colorful. Marriage resentments and retained emotions create a great deal of sexual reluctance. Premature ejaculation becomes even earlier with retained anger.
- Being able to do the above requires the individual to work individually on personal development in order to improve the repertoire. The underlying cause of many marital problems may lie in the extreme differences in the personal development levels of the spouses.
- All of this may seem difficult or meaningless to you. If so, we always recommend that you visit a marriage therapist to get different suggestions to save or improve your marriage.
Read: 0
