Were new brides like this in the past? HAVE WE COME TO THIS SITUATION BECAUSE OF SOCIAL MEDIA?
I think the biggest difference between the past and today is in our levels of feeling the need for these needs (especially in the area of love/belonging and respect) With this exaggerated increase, the channels of meeting these needs change, increase and become artificial with the developing technology. Developing internet facilities and rapidly spreading social media tools increase people's resources to reach the masses and receive news from the masses. This seems to be a very important factor in offering us different and various opportunities to meet our needs. Not a day goes by without a new concept, a new trend, a new term entering our lives.
If the needs of the past were very different, there would be no bride-mother-in-law conflicts that have passed down from our ancestors to the present day, and idioms that describe people's fondness for showing off their material possessions. . One of the stories I know best is the example of the dog lying at the door of the house between the bride and sister-in-law. “The bride uses her hands to talk about the dog lying in front of her door” in order to show her the new ring her husband bought for her, and the sister-in-law says, “Didn't you say "nice" by waving the gold bracelets on her arm. The situation today is not very different... Only our channels have changed, diversified and increased. And these stories were transmitted live and announced to everyone with the power of the internet. As a natural result, satisfaction has become artificial.
WHAT DOES THIS INDICATE?
Even though the list of natural hierarchical needs is at the same level and order for the deepening of the human soul and psychological strength, In 2015, with the technological opportunities and ease of access to these opportunities, there has been a significant increase in the frequency of some people satisfying their hunger, especially in the areas of love/belonging and respect, through these channels. It is the same deep-seated needs that push those people to this... Especially in newly established families, adapting to new roles and the anxiety of finding a place in the new families are issues that all of us have to deal with in the first years of marriage. Especially in newly established families between the family members of the hand and the man; The needs to be respected, to gain prestige and to be valued are mutually high, and the first years are spent in establishing this balance in most families. If there is a serious imbalance here, if healthy and clear-cut relationships have not been established, if the man cannot maintain a good stance between his own family and his newly established family, he feels the need to show himself more than he is, sometimes openly and sometimes semi-openly, especially between the bride and mother-in-law. Sometimes their need to present their own relationships as if they were better than they are may also come to the fore. But the message that is tried to be given to both sides is always the same; How valuable, loved and respected I am.
Love/belonging and respect are both very strong needs and, when looked at in real terms, they can be satisfied with things that are not very complicated. But when real problems and needs are not discussed and real steps are not taken, the need gradually increases and today's situation emerges. Confused people use artificial gratification channels. For this reason, everyone benefits from using these tools at their own intellectual level and for their own needs. This being the case, we come across a lot of pictures and posts of various colors, sometimes containing vulgarity and sometimes aesthetics. If we do not learn to demand real feelings and needs, we will continue to see abusive messages on social media, daughter-in-law, I'm telling you, just figure it out dialogues, stories and pictures of husbands who are sometimes unnecessarily flattered and sometimes pushed to one side or another between their mothers and their wives, and people who follow them. .
Although it may seem to be in contrast with the exaggerated increase in the need for admiration, self-display and approval, exaggerated self-esteem, self-conceit and narcissism in return for artificial satisfaction in the same field have become serious problems specific to this period. The most important underlying element is the psychological perception of inadequacy and imperfection, the inability to create meaningful goals in life, and the fact that the limit of satisfaction is now open-ended. There is always more! Most people who have fallen into this trap of our age, who cannot simplify themselves, who cannot return to their essence, who are not aware of their feelings, who cannot find true channels of satisfaction, fall into this trap. He struggles with a new trial every day in his clique.
WHERE IS THE END OF THIS? IS THERE ANY SOLUTION?
I guess there is no end at this point. A new concept and trend emerges every day. It is always open-ended unless we personally turn to ourselves, realize our needs, find ways to truly meet them, and unless we tell ourselves to stop.
The right thing is not to hold back from all these opportunities, but to not want to be appreciated at all, not to expect respect, or to ignore the mother-in-law/ It does not mean rejecting the bride. Exaggeration of needs, exaggeration at the point of satisfaction, and getting stuck in channels that our soul does not need at all while achieving this satisfaction. This is what is really unhealthy. Otherwise, there is no harm in using these channels to get news, to be informed, and to present sections of our lives through mass transportation at a normal level, that is, at the point of "it can happen or not". But while doing this, we have to learn to recognize our negative emotions and not let go of our flesh and blood relationships. We should not stop trying to notice our natural emotional reactions and asking ourselves what we need. Rest assured, the answer to this question will not be more likes, I beat my mother-in-law, or how beautiful I made her day look to that bride.
One of the most important determinants of a healthy mood and self-satisfaction is "having goals and contact at all times that will enable you to live life with meaning." It's about having "relationships that make you feel loved." Remember that you will achieve lasting happiness and satisfaction with yourself/your life not by what you don't have, but by taking care of what you have, nurturing and developing it. It is quite normal for you to want to be perceived as a "good bride, a good wife", to have a place and to be respected in your new marriage. You may not have established the relationship of your dreams with your mother-in-law/daughter-in-law yet and you may perceive yourself as "undesirable". What you need to do is to identify the behavior of the situations and people that disturb you, to express the issues you are uncomfortable about by talking openly and in a constructive way, not a problem-oriented way, to demand what you need, to forget the issues that have already happened and are still not coming your way, that is, to establish a healthy but clear-limited relationship. is to take steps. Via Social Media We must stop sending news to the daughter-in-law/mother-in-law indirectly, stop behaving passive-aggressively (such as inhibiting the relationship with various excuses), and try to learn to live solution-oriented, not show-off.
Expert Psychologist from US Psychiatry Institute. Seliyha Doşır Elbeyoğlu
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