During the exam period, parents are as anxious as their children. Anxiety is a contagious emotion. Families often project their own concerns onto their children. Having high expectations from the child, excessive preoccupation with details, and seeing the exam as a goal rather than a tool are very important in the formation of test anxiety. Therefore, families should first try to reduce their own anxiety. Increasing our child's anxiety does not only increase by putting pressure on him or saying negative words. Even if we make positive sentences, if the messages you give with our body language, facial expressions and tone of voice are negative, our anxiety will be transferred to our child. If what comes out of the mouth contradicts what the body says, the student will pay more attention to body language. When you say 'I want you to be successful and happy', if you think 'be successful so that we don't be a disgrace to the environment', you cannot support him. In anxious children who take on a lot of responsibility, even saying "we trust you very much, we believe that you will definitely succeed" can cause anxiety and the thought of "they trust me very much, if I disappoint my family's trust." Therefore, focusing on the process rather than the result and saying 'we believe that you are doing your best, even if you fail from time to time, you continue to work and try to do your best, you will reach the goal you want, we are with you, we are ready to do our best for this' will be comforting for the child.
Creating a change in the family's perspective and reducing the expectation level to realistic limits are the main initiatives.
Do not try to eliminate anxiety:
The aim is not to eliminate anxiety completely, but to avoid succumbing to anxiety and to keep the anxiety experienced at a certain level. If you are not worried about something, it means you do not care about that issue and it is not possible for you to be motivated. A normal level of anxiety helps to feel desire, to make decisions and to produce energy in line with the decisions taken and to increase performance by using this energy. Therefore, when helping children cope with anxiety, try to help them reduce anxiety to a controllable level instead of trying to eliminate it.
Always make him/her feel how much you love him/her:
When a child achieves success He needs motivation to be good. For this, the child must believe that he has the capacity to succeed and enjoy success. Children are happiest when they receive praise from their parents. If children begin to feel that they are disappointing their parents, feelings of introversion and inadequacy emerge. If you demand more from your child than he is capable of, do not see what he can do, point out to him what he cannot do, and constantly tell him that he is lazy, after a while the child will accept this situation and lose his self-confidence and motivation to work and struggle. Children who receive love and attention only when they are successful and are criticized when they fail may not have self-confidence and become anxious about the exam at the slightest failure, as they will attribute their own value only to being successful. He only focuses on whether he will get good marks in the exam, rather than whether he has learned the subject. He cannot concentrate on studying because he thinks about whether he will be successful in the exam. He forgets what he knows due to excitement during the exam. Constant reminders make the student unable to study, “I have to respond to these sacrifices of my family.” He/she may become more anxious by thinking like this.
Stay away from negative motivation. Some parents, to increase their children's motivation; Words such as 'You can't win with so much work' will not only make the child get ambitious and not work hard, but also cause the child to become stubborn or unable to work because of anxiety. Never compare your child with other children or set an example. Whatever you feel when your spouse or child compares you to others, your child will also do the same. feels. He cannot see his own shortcomings or he exaggerates them, gets angry, blames you, his motivation decreases and his anxiety increases. "Your uncle's daughter got into medicine, she has a bad attitude, please don't embarrass us." etc. Such approaches may harm your child. The child thinks that his success in the exam, not himself, is important in the eyes of his family and others, and he attributes an unrealistic meaning to the exam.
Try to be realistic in your expectations from your child. Look objectively. While they may have strengths in certain areas, they may also have weaknesses in certain areas. Don't expect too much. Every parent thinks their child is special. If your expectations and what your child can do are compatible, your child may experience less anxiety. Sometimes excessive flattery and words such as "He is very smart, but he does not work" can cause the child to see himself in a giant mirror and cause him to become lazy. The message you will give to our child; 'Whatever you do, do your best, and our expectation should be 'not for success, but for purposeful, planned and programmed work'. It should be explained that life is not the end. Perfectionist parents who want the best cause the child to fear making mistakes. It is important to make the child think about his mistake and talk about the solution together. Being able to say to a demoralized child who got a low grade on an exam or homework, "I told you, you did it sloppy, you left it to the last moment", "You look sad, we can talk about what you lack in order to get a good grade on your next homework or exam" helps the child learn from his mistakes. provides. The resulting anxiety disrupts mental activities in reasoning and abstract thinking. Due to these effects, the meaning attached to the exam is one of the most important factors that causes performance to decrease. It is clear that a child who sees himself as "inadequate" and "worthless" based on the exam results will be unhappy and his self-confidence will decrease, and accordingly his fear of the exams he will take will increase. It will not be as difficult as it seems to make children feel that they are valuable, regardless of the result of the exam they take.
Help children with time management:
Many students think that they do not spend enough time to prepare for the exam. For this reason, as the exam time approaches, he tries to continue his preparations in panic. Adjusting the time required to prepare for the exam helps children prepare more calmly and feel more comfortable during the exam. Children are interested in many things at the same time and over time They have difficulty organizing their activities. It is important for adults to support them in acquiring this skill. However, the social needs of children should not be ignored here. As a result, if you observe that they are having difficulty with time management, try to help them.
Appreciate the effort made regardless of the result:
Effort is different from characteristics that cannot be changed, such as intelligence and talent. Because effort can be increased or decreased. A child who does his best to prepare for the exam but gets results below his expectations will feel helpless if he only receives criticism from his family or teacher. Therefore, first of all, he should be appreciated for his effort and then focus on the problem. A child who thinks "No matter what I do, it doesn't work" will lose motivation for the next exams and start to make less effort.
Remind them of past successes:
Reminding the successes before the problem started will increase children's motivation. In this process, emphasizing which characteristics of the child contribute to his success will reduce the helplessness felt. A child who sees that his positive characteristics are noticed by those around him will feel stronger and will cope with his problem more easily.
Support his social skills:
With the start of school, children spend most of their time acquiring academic skills. End-of-year exams, especially starting from the 6th grade, cause weekends to be devoted to private teaching institutions, and the time children spend with their friends gradually decreases. In addition, the time spent on sports, arts and other pursuits is also limited. Such activities are of great importance in allowing children to develop in a versatile way and in preventing bad habits that may arise in the long term. It is not a loss for children to spare time for such activities so that they can cope with the stress experienced at school and improve themselves. On the contrary, it is a gain that will positively affect the learning process.
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