In the book "100 Ideas That Changed the World", there are only two concepts in the field of Psychology: Unconscious (Sigmund Freud) and Attachment (John Bowlby). Freud and the concept of the unconscious is a concept known to almost everyone who is literate, with a history of more than 100 years, but the concept of attachment, which was introduced 60 years ago, has become popular in the last few years. While the unconscious is a difficult concept to grasp, attachment is actually a concept that almost everyone can easily understand and that we use in daily life. However, its importance in human spiritual development is just being understood and researched.
Attachment is the process of establishing emotional bonds: it forms the basis of all kinds of human relationships and even the bonds between us and living/inanimate beings.
A secure attachment. If there is, it means there is an autonomous/independent personality, trust-based relationships and a healthy spiritual structure.
Compassion, physical contact, love and support in early childhood are indispensable for the formation of an autonomous and independent personality. The baby/child has to live a symbiotic life (at least one of the two creatures lives a common life dependent on the other) with the mother, both physically in the womb and until a certain age. The emotional bonding process occurs automatically when these physical needs (shelter, nutrition, clothing, cleaning, etc.) are met. While breastfeeding, cleaning the baby's diaper, and dressing him, the mother makes eye contact, holds him in her arms with affection and love, talks to him, and caresses his head. In the same way, the baby makes eye contact with the mother and shows that his needs are met and that he is "happy" by smiling, gesturing, calming down, etc.
A baby who establishes a secure bond with the mother usually has this experience with other family members and two He uses this relationship pattern when he starts socializing with other children and adults after he gets older. They experience self-confidence, trying new things, and learning with the responsibilities given by their parents gradually and in accordance with their age (eating on their own, walking, running, jumping, getting dressed, packing their belongings, helping with housework, etc.). She turns outwards with self-confidence and contentment. Because it is connected to your emotions, you know what you like and what you don't like, when to pull back, when to stop. In this process, he learns from his own experiences, by observing his parents and his environment.
With the mother establishing a calm, affectionate and safe relationship, the child learns a constructive relationship style, and establishes such relationships when he becomes an adult. In a constructive relationship, there is equality, empathy and love flow, giving and receiving are balanced, physical and emotional separation is accepted when necessary.
As a result of a secure attachment, a healthy spiritual structure is established in the child. Such a child has a high life force and energy, his will to live prevails in the face of difficulties, he enjoys moving, physical activities, playing games, and loves learning and problem solving.
Indicators of a secure attachment to a healthy structure in an adult's personality are the ability to be realistic, to regulate one's emotions, to be at peace with oneself, to be responsible for oneself, to establish secure bonds with others and end these relationships when necessary, to be optimistic, and to be strong enough to face traumatic experiences.
All of these show the importance of mothers establishing relationships based on love, affection and trust with their children in the first years of life. If mothers and children experience this, it will positively affect not only domestic relations, but also human relations in the social sphere.
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