Lately, he sometimes ignores my questions.
However, I trust him and want him to be with me. For example, it would have been better if he hadn't gone to the exhibition opening last night and helped me do my homework. I was angry but tried not to show it. I'm afraid of the possibility of him leaving me. He says I'm always indecisive. Even when I asked for his opinion, it took me time to decide. Actually, everything started when I got into university and left my family. I wanted to attend university in the city where my family is, but my score was not enough. I had to move to another city. I don't remember a time when I was indecisive. So much so that my mother would think of everything for me and do what was necessary before I even planned what to do in the face of problems. We also did homework together. So there was no such thing as indecision. Now I find it so difficult to act alone. I often feel incompetent and inadequate. While these things are going through my mind, my only wish is for my mother to come and stay with me for a while...
If you are afraid of continuing your life alone and being alone, if you feel inadequate towards your responsibilities, and if you are often indecisive about the decisions you need to make, one of the reasons for this experience is the "dependency" scheme. … This scheme tells you that you should not trust your judgment. Therefore, you feel the need to consult others when making decisions. It is one of the schemas that develop in the early stages of childhood. We see that positive effects emerge if certain points we need in our childhood are met in order to become adults who adapt well to life. So it doesn't have to be perfect. The answer to the question of what a child needs for his development actually lies in a number of universal needs that every human being needs to be met. A child primarily needs to feel safe, autonomy, self-esteem, self-expression, realistic boundaries, and connectedness with others. If these are met, the child's psychology will progress healthily. If it is missing; Early maladaptive schemas formed by the damaging effect of these unmet needs develop throughout life. These are our core beliefs about ourselves that are difficult to change. Beginning in childhood and throughout life Votes are repeating self-destructive patterns. One of these is the "addiction" schema... When we struggle with our schemas, we surrender, escape, or use overcompensation mechanisms. If you have a dependency schema and use the overcompensation mechanism, you are one of those people who never ask for help to avoid being dependent on someone. When something happens to you, you reject requests for help from your relatives. You worry about becoming addicted. In fact, deep down you have a "dependency" schema. Another way the schema manifests is that you do everything to avoid losing the people around you. This creates anger in you. Not being able to express anger becomes even more difficult. You may often feel inadequate and incompetent. This is because you do not know whether you can fulfill the responsibilities you are avoiding. You would rather not fulfill responsibilities than take them on alone. What are the reasons for the formation of the "dependency" schema that makes interpersonal relationships difficult? One of the answers to the question may be temperament, or your parent may have prevented you from being autonomous. In other words, they made decisions on your behalf and fulfilled some responsibilities on your behalf. Additionally, while you were trying to fulfill your duties, they may have criticized and belittled your efforts. Brag about your responsibilities for getting positive results as you struggle with your schema. Re-schedule the tasks you've been avoiding. Examine the situations in which you experience uncertainty. Break them into small pieces and evaluate what you can do without help. If you are someone who constantly rejects requests for help, try asking for help from people you trust. Remember that getting help when needed will increase you, not diminish you…
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