Addiction is an overwhelming situation in which the person can almost do nothing on his own, causing the person to often feel helpless. The dependency schema causes the person to constantly seek help from those around him, to frequently ask for opinions, and to be unable to make his own decisions on his own. To briefly describe it, a person feels like a little child in an adult world. For this reason, a person with a dependency schema feels lost if there is no one around him to trust.
Although the feeling of inadequacy is a feeling that can be seen in many people, this situation is much more common in people with a dependency schema. The person constantly sees himself as inadequate. For example, sentences such as "I cannot cope with this situation, I cannot fulfill my responsibilities, what would I do without him, I cannot be alone, I have a hard time making decisions" are used very frequently. Addiction also brings with it fears of abandonment. The person feels intense anxiety that he will be abandoned by his spouse, lover, friend or close circle. All these situations drain the person's mental energy and make the person more tired, passive and angry. A person with a dependency schema often does not dare to express his or her anger. The reason for this is the person's fear of losing the people around him due to the anger he expresses, but some addicted people can also express their anger more openly. The person may feel intense anger when their needs are not met. He/she may punish the people around him/her by getting angry, being extremely angry, or acting in a hostile manner. For example, getting angry at her boyfriend for not paying attention to her, or punishing him by walking away from him in anger.
Addicted people also do not like change. Many things must remain the same for them. The biggest reason for this is that the person cannot trust his own judgment. The person's confidence in new situations is quite low. For example, getting a promotion at work can cause these people a lot of stress because they have strong concerns that they will not be successful or that they will not be able to cope with the new situation. At the same time, the person must take the necessary responsibility and initiative to progress in his/her job. It also prevents the .
Going to people smarter and stronger than you every time to get guidance and advice
Minimizing your successes, your shortcomings enlarge
Escape from difficulties that will leave you on your own
Having difficulty making your own decisions
Living through your spouse or other people in your life
Being very dependent on your parents, spouse, or someone close to you
Having fears or phobias that you cannot confront
Feeling lacking in finding practical solutions or in the skills of maintaining daily life
Living alone or being afraid of being alone
Why Do We Become Addicted?
Causes of Dependency Schema:
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When we look at the causes of dependency schema, it is either in people with overprotective parents or insufficiently protective parents. It has been observed that this occurs in people with neglectful parents.
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Children whose parents often make decisions on their behalf
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Children whose parents are more interested in school work than themselves
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In people who were given no or very little responsibility in their childhood
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Children who were almost never left alone by their parents
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Children whose thoughts and ideas are frequently criticized by their parents
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Children who were frequently directed, intervened or received too much advice by their parents
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Children who are frequently protected from dangers or constantly warned by their parents.
It should not be forgotten that when the parent does everything, the child will never feel sufficient because he will not be able to see that he is functional and that he can handle things on his own. Children constantly fail through trial and error and eventually learn from failed experiences. This is how learning takes place in the child. If the parent takes responsibility instead of the child, first-hand learning will not occur. Therefore, with minimal learning, the child will always feel inadequate. Since he will feel inadequate in his future life, he will constantly need others, thus turning into a dependent adult.
How Can I Get Rid of the Dependency Schema?
First of all, why and How did you become addicted? The origins of the dependency schema in childhood must be recognized. Try to understand how you felt as a child.
In what way are you dependent on other people or the person in your life? On what subjects and in what situations do you need them the most? A list of all these situations should be made.
A list of the situations that you avoid because you cannot trust yourself should be made. These may include phobias or changes.
Force yourself to make your own decisions in small steps without asking people. For example, going shopping alone.
If you can do the previous step, try to increase your self-belief and continue your daily life without further help. A person should never lose faith in himself, even if he fails, and should break it down into smaller steps and act without asking people for help. If you have a critical approach, especially towards yourself, be sure to try to stop this. Frequently criticizing yourself reduces your self-confidence and makes you feel more need for others.
The person should focus on addictive behaviors and see the picture more clearly by reviewing old relationships.
Don't make friends with people who are overprotective. notice one's tendency And setting boundaries there is also very important.
People may leave you alone or not help you. Instead of getting angry at them, you need to remind yourself often that this can be normal.
People with a dependency schema tend to avoid new tasks, changes and responsibilities. For this reason, try to include new responsibilities, duties and changes in your life. This will help you greatly in getting rid of your addiction.
Another aspect of changing your schema is how much control you take over your life. Who has more control of your life? Answering this question is also very important.
Psychotherapy and Addiction Diagram
It is highly recommended for people with a dependency schema to receive psychotherapy. The reason for this is that the dependency schema is ingrained from childhood experiences (pre-school). Therefore, the journey of the dependency schema is the transition from childhood to adulthood. The aim of psychotherapy is to replace the fear and avoidance that frequently occur in people with a sense of independence and self-sufficiency. Spending a lot of energy on people to take care of themselves, help them, or constantly stand by them also greatly reduces life satisfaction. In psychotherapy, people learn to take care of themselves and to believe in and apply their own abilities in daily tasks or in situations where they need to make decisions.
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