Selfishness emerges with our existence. People have a sense of selfishness from the moment they are born. Babies and children, who continue their lives in need of everyone, do whatever it takes to be at the center of the attention of the people around them. But over time, as we get rid of childhood, we gradually begin to move away from our sense of selfishness. However, individuals with retarded emotional development, despite getting older, cannot avoid being described as selfish by other individuals by exhibiting self-centered behavior. is to see oneself as superior.
So how does selfishness harm both oneself and the other person in individual relationships?
Individuals with a selfish personality structure always argue that they are right in their own eyes and always prioritize their own interests in the relationships they establish. They cannot tolerate compromising themselves. But they emphasize that they need to be understood by other individuals. Lack of empathy is evident in selfish people.
How does selfishness harm married life?
This needs to be addressed from two perspectives. How does a selfish person become happy, how does he satisfy himself, and how does he harm his partner's personality and self? Marriage is like a magic lamp suddenly given to selfish people. Just as the genie coming out of the lamp obeys and obeys everything the owner of the lamp says. In the selfish individual, the spouse will meet all the needs of his wife, save her from trouble, serve her, just like a genie, and will never question her wishes, like the genie of the lamp. While doing all these, the spouse will not make any demands from the other person, and will continue to be self-sacrificing and will not overwhelm his spouse by making unnecessary requests. This kind of spouses are a rare Indian fabric for selfish people. Under these conditions, it is like a miracle for an ordinary person to accept such a spouse and tolerate it for a lifetime.
Let's assume that by accepting such a spouse, we do not become a good spouse and a harmonious spouse. On the contrary, we cause great harm to our spouse because; Our spouse has never seen us behave this way. He will not see his own mistakes and will never be aware of his own selfishness. Thus, the spouse will get used to being served and obeyed throughout his life, and his laziness will be reinforced. In order to maintain the institution of marriage, it is imposed on individuals in society that spouses should always be self-sacrificing in marriages. This situation suits the selfish spouses, who expect their spouses to make sacrifices all the time, and by reflecting the sacrifices they make to their spouses as if it were actually an obligation, over time they lead the marriage to a dead end. Over time, these behaviors create anger, stress, anger or, on the contrary, silence between the spouses, and the marriage begins to turn into hell for both parties.
Because marriage is not about serving a person for the rest of your life and devoting yourself to him. Marriage is a sharing of life. No one dreams of getting married and becoming a slave to someone or wants to experience this. People marry to consolidate their happiness. While starting a marriage with this intention, if the selfishness of one or both spouses comes into play and they begin to dominate each other, the marriage will become intolerable.
The selfishness of men and women is not seen in the same way in marriages. Because men and women have different personality structures, their responsibilities and expectations in marriage are different. While emotional needs are at the forefront in women, physical needs are at the forefront in men. For this reason, spouses should be sensitive to each other's expectations. If you are not sensitive, you will not make your spouse feel the sense of belonging that he or she is your spouse. If we expect only your own expectations to be met and do not show any value to the other person, we will be acting selfishly in our marriage. Seeing ourselves as always right when it comes to our problems, not making any effort for a solution and expecting a solution from others is another form of selfishness. That's why we must always manage to establish empathy in our relationships.
If we put ourselves in the other people's shoes and try to understand their expectations, we will get rid of our selfishness and continue to live in relationships where we will spend good times together.
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