Attachment is a concept that greatly affects relationships. Feeling connected or not has a huge impact on relationships. Because, as individuals or as a couple, we want to be connected to a group, a place or a person. Therefore, if we cannot feel this sense of belonging, an uneasy structure surrounds us.
Our attachment style is shaped by the relationships we establish with parents or primary caregivers in our early childhood and affects our adult life. Therefore, the attachment style shaped during this period is very important. Namely; The emotional attachment formed during infancy has a very important impact on the emotional closeness established in romantic relationships.
Based on this, let's clarify the attachment styles established during infancy. As a result of research, three types of attachment have emerged. These are;
Secure Attachment: Securely attached babies determine their mother as a safe base. These babies get restless when they don't see their parents around, but they know that they will come back, so they feel happy and peaceful when they meet them. The reflection of this attachment style in adult life is that they become more securely attached to their spouses. They tend to be optimistic and happy in their romantic relationships, reaching a certain level of satisfaction in the relationship. The relationships of these people are long-term. They do not have any problems with isolation and intimacy. Therefore, we can talk about a more solid-based relationship. They are more loyal to their spouses and have a more positive perspective on problem solving. This has a very positive effect on their relationship.
Anxious Ambivalent Attachment:Babies with this attachment style reveal very violent reactions when separated from their mothers. When the mother comes back into the environment, she both clings to her and pushes her. They cannot calm down for a long time. As a reflection of their adult life, they constantly think that their spouses will abandon them and constantly question whether they are loved or not. These people's excessive commitment and desire for closeness overwhelms their partner and causes them to move away from the relationship. The relationship of adults with this type of structure is in the form of breaking up with the same partner and getting back together again and again. . Usually, this situation wears out the relationship and the relationship may end with the rebellion of the partner who is constantly exposed to the clingy attitude.
Avoidant Attachment:Avoidantly attached babies seem uninterested when their mothers leave the environment. and when the mother comes to the environment again, she does not pay attention to her or pays little attention to her. In adult life, they generally do not want to establish closeness in their relationships. They become cold and indifferent towards their spouses. They think that close relationships are not necessary and prefer to be alone. They don't like it when someone gets attached to them. As can be seen from here, they avoid intense emotional relationships. They do not trust their spouses and want to be in control of the relationship. This situation stems from their lack of trust in their spouses, and in this sense, they do not invest much in their relationships. Because they believe that at the end of the day, they will always be alone and they must fend for themselves.
As can be seen, different attachment styles shape the way relationships are lived and the expectations of couples. Attachment styles also affect conflict resolution skills in relationships or coping skills against a problem. It also greatly affects partner selection, relationship duration and relationship satisfaction. For example; Couples with a secure attachment style have a more constructive and positive perspective on problem solving than couples with an insecure attachment style. Therefore, they are more successful in resolving conflict. When evaluated in terms of relationship satisfaction, securely attached couples have higher relationship satisfaction.
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