What are Parental Attitudes? What should be the correct approach to the child?
We live in a world where each child has his/her own unique developmental characteristics. Each child goes through his or her own developmental stages and continues his or her life adventure. While doing this, the bond of trust he has in his family and the correct approach prepare him a road map to solve the problems he will encounter in his life.
Children who see the correct behavioral models from their families begin to prepare themselves for adulthood while carrying out their social learning. How can we, as caregivers, make positive contributions to this road map and determine our attitudes? Now let's try to answer these.
Positive Parenting Attitude
Supportive, Accepting and Democratic Parenting Attitude
In this approach, parents support their children, but do not forget to draw boundaries to a certain extent. Verbal communication channels are open between parent and child. The child is respected as an individual. He knows that each child's development is special and unique. It monitors the developmental stages, acts accordingly and supports them. It allows the child to grow freely within the family and social environment and to maximize his or her interests and abilities; For this reason, he does his best to support the child. In addition to meeting the child's basic needs such as shelter, nutrition and protection, it shows "love, care and compassion" to the child. This love is truly unrequited. Love is not used as a means of sanction. The child is granted equal rights within the family.
He is supported to express his feelings and thoughts clearly. Parents who show an egalitarian and democratic attitude for the development of social and positive emotions in their future life show their children that they value them. Spouses who treat their children in this way also have an attitude of valuing each other. The parties also have a common attitude in their behavior towards their children. In such a family, children can gain a sense of responsibility at a young age. It gives them the pleasure of achieving something and and these achievements are rewarded. Rewards should be internal (going to the theater, playing games together, fishing) and giving satisfaction to the child rather than being material (toys, bicycles, etc.).
In such a healthy family environment, the child is given the opportunity to make decisions on his own and It has been taught that the responsibility for this decision belongs to him/her. This also leads to changes in the emotional self towards self-realization. The caregiver said to the subject: “You have seen through experience that you should not do it like this. "Let's determine together how to handle such a problem better when you encounter it again."
Negative Parenting Attitude
Overprotective. Parental Attitude
Protection is a normal pattern of behavior in today's world and observed parental instinct. However, extending the care and protection behavior in a way that prevents the child from activities that reveal his or her potential will cause the child to feel pressure that may spread to his or her future life. Parental overprotection means showing more control to the child than necessary. Underestimating the child and not being able to give him/her responsibilities and tasks that he/she can do at his/her age level are typical characteristics of the overprotective approach.
In this over-controlling approach, where the child cannot be allowed to mature and grow, “social and psychosocial development” is prevented. This is a parental attitude that prevents the child from knowing himself and realizing his personal potential.
Children raised with this attitude have the possibility of developing a dependent personality in the future. The child has difficulties making decisions on his own. He cannot manage his reactions to life events and cannot take responsibility for his choices alone. This attitude prevents the child's efforts at individualization. They may be individuals who constantly seek the protection and protection of an adult, whose self-confidence is not sufficiently developed, who remain abstained, who hesitate to take responsibility, and who expect others to do the work they need to do.
Authoritarian Parenting Attitude
Families who adopt this attitude have an oppressive attitude. They ask the child to obey them unconditionally, to do everything they say. They wait for things to be done.
A sense of fear within the family and escape-avoidance behaviors are dominant due to the feeling of anxiety that this fear creates in the child. The child uses various coping strategies to cope, and these cannot prevent him from feeling lonely in his inner world. In fact, as the child avoids, the frequency of the behavior increases and it can be generalized to all life events.
Mothers and fathers with this attitude see themselves as representatives of social and familial authority and try to shape and control their child's behavior. Since the parents make all the decisions themselves, they expect absolute obedience and endless loyalty to their ideas from the child, which they consider as a virtue. Parents who adopt this attitude do not have child-accepting behaviors such as being patient and sensitive, listening to children, being understanding, being patient, and asking for their ideas. Children raised in this way; They may develop a personality pattern that is more submissive, shy towards authority, or rebellious when under pressure from authority, and does not accept the rules.
Permissive, Tolerant Parenting Attitude
This parental attitude includes excessive tolerance and submissiveness towards the child. The boss at home is the child. The child always strives to attract the attention and attention of others and wants to be served. There is an irreplaceable gap in children who grow up with this attitude. They show poor social adaptation at home and in the outside world. In friendship relationships, they can always be the ones expecting something. Children who get used to the lack of rules experience contradictions in their inner world when they encounter the rules at school, and may have difficulty adapting to school and their circle of friends.
When they cannot satisfy their inner world, the way is opened for them to acquire harmful habits and show dangerous patterns in the future. They may be people who do not think about others, cannot take responsibility, are fragile, want everything they say to happen instantly, and cannot be patient. They may also be disappointed when they see that their relationship does not have everything they say. In this case, they may either withdraw into themselves or show angry behavior.
Inconsistent& nbsp;Parental Attitude
It is the most destructive attitude among parental attitudes. In this attitude, parents apply the parental attitudes listed above from time to time, and this does not show continuity in itself. There is no pattern of balance and consistency between the behavior of the parents.
In this type of approach, the child cannot be sure about his own behavior, while one side wants to do something, the other side may prevent him, and according to some views, the child is not sure about his own behavior. It can damage the personality pattern to a degree that cannot be repaired. The child adjusts his behavior according to whether his parents are happy or angry.
Children who grow up with inconsistent parental attitudes do not know what to do or where. They may show sudden reactions. They have an anxious attitude because they do not know what reaction they will encounter. This situation prevents them from feeling safe, damages the development of their sense of trust, and they may become individuals who cannot trust or give trust easily in their relationships. They cannot express their own opinions and thoughts. Over time, they may develop a suspicious, questioning, and indecisive personality structure.
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