I carry a shy heart from the night
I cannot tell you that I am in love with you even if I die
The shyness mentioned in these verses of Özdemir Asaf carries deep traces not only in literature but also in daily life. Approximately 40% of the society states that they are shy. So what is the difference between social phobia (social anxiety disorder) and shyness? This depends on the degree of anxiety caused by the situation. A shy person adapts to his situation over time. However, the phobic person attaches more importance to the source that creates anxiety in him/her.
The shy person can adapt to his new situation after a while without being blocked. Because the desire and motivation to be accepted in the environment outweighs the fear of rejection. Shyness may be part of a person's character. Shyness should not be called a disease unless it is excessive and does not significantly affect the person's social life. However, in the treatment of social phobia, which is a psychiatric disease, it is necessary to receive psychological and psychiatric support, different therapies and sometimes psychotropic medications. If both or one of the parents are overly anxious, meticulous, overprotective and do not like the child's work and display a constantly criticizing attitude, these children are shy, timid candidates of the future. Shy people are most reluctant to speak in public. Then, respectively, they feel uncomfortable being included in a new group, meeting people they don't know, talking to someone of the opposite sex, and being in a large group with mostly people they don't know. Adolescence is also a process that reinforces shyness. Shy people feel like there are many eyes on them, waiting for them to make a wrong move. Is everyone constantly watching you or talking about you? Of course no! You are not the center of the world. Even though you know this, you still feel like everyone is watching you, all eyes are on you. You may experience adaptation problems in the new environment you enter. In such environments, you may be uncomfortable with being noticed by others and standing out. Shy people have difficulty initiating relationships. In environments that require communication, they expect and prefer others to do this for them. They are not asocial, people They want to be with other people, but they want to feel safe in the environment and seek the guarantee of being accepted without criticism. If it does not cause any problems in social or professional life, we can call this situation just a simple shyness. If it seriously impairs the quality of life, it may be necessary to talk about avoidant personality disorder or social phobia. Is there a shyness gene? Although predisposing factors for shyness have been identified in some studies, a specific gene for shyness has not been identified. In the studies conducted by J. Kagan, it was determined that approximately 15-20% of children were born with predisposing factors for this. The amygdala part of the brain of these children is more sensitive to stress. However, shyness cannot be explained solely by a physiological inheritance. Does culture play a role in shyness? In societies where quiet, obedient, docile children are encouraged, we more often encounter shy individuals. The existence of socially accepted sayings in our country such as "Shame is the complement of virtue" and "As Adam's rank increases, his hijab decreases" triggers shyness in the person.
How do we deal with shyness?
As a result of the experiences they gained in their own studies, researchers named Michael and Giroda identified four irrational basic beliefs in those with shyness problems.
1.If you stop and wait in social environments, something good will happen. This misconception was derived from the fear of starting a conversation. However, for two people to meet, at least one of them must make an effort. Why shouldn't that be you?
2.Other people are lucky to be invited to social events. This is also a wrong idea. People who are active make an effort to meet others and spend time. They leave very little to chance.
3. Wherever I am, my opportunity to socialize will always be the same. This is an excuse not to make an effort.
4. If someone seems indifferent to me, they definitely do not love me and will not love me. This belief causes you to be unnecessarily shy of people and feel lonely. However, love requires time.
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