Maybe it happened to us. Maybe it's still there in our heads. Maybe we have witnessed or are experiencing it in our environment... When our partner exhibits an undesirable event or undesirable behavior in our relationships, we act as if we have no belief, insight, or feeling that he might have done this. Or does this belief, insight, feeling really not exist? Because, without realizing it, we have already entered a war of denial and non-acceptance with all the cells in our body. I think the biggest reasons why this happens in relationships may be trust, attachment and a little bit of emotional manipulation.
The most basic need for us to continue our lives, like eating and sleeping, is Trust! Why do we need such an emotion? Why are we searching for this? In an interpersonal relationship, the first and only thing a person wants from the other party is actually trust. When we, as social beings, list the criteria that should be present in all our relationships; We usually see the feeling of trust in the first three. So we want to trust; to our work, our spouse, our family, our social environment. Trust is our greatest helper in being able to share life and communicate with other people. The formation of a sense of trust begins to develop in the first years of life. Continuity, consistency and sameness in the relationship between the mother, the caregiver, the individual who meets the baby's needs and the baby enable the development of a sense of trust. A sense of blind trust is necessary in this period of human life. This is what happens when this sense of blind trust is not completed or is completed too much. In every bilateral relationship we enter into later in life, we blindly try to fill the void of hope or look for the memorized feeling. And we leave ourselves in the hands of the feeling of overconfidence, which is a psychological mistake. Overconfidence is the mother of all psychological biases. It is the most common of the prejudices that affect human thinking.
We all feel some kind of attachment to people, objects or places. If there is something good in our life, it is normal to resist losing that person, situation or object. The attachment model is established in early childhood and continues to operate in our relationships in adulthood. The attachment model is what each of us needs. It affects how we respond to our needs and how they are met. If we grew up with an insecure attachment model, we may have a tendency to reproduce in our relationships what we see in our family. However, in some cases the opposite is also possible. It is normal to want someone or something. However, feverish and obsessive behavior can lead to disconnections and strange behavior in our daily lives. There are unhealthy attachment models that we can describe as "toxic" level attachment.
People who love others more than themselves; i.e. Obsessive Attachment style! While he has negative feelings for himself, he has positive feelings for the other person. The biggest fear and anxiety of these people, who are obsessively attached to the other person, is abandonment. In order not to be abandoned, they do not hesitate to make compromises about themselves and change for the sake of their relationship. In the relationship, he puts his own priorities aside and lives for the satisfaction of his partner. The main reason why this whole obsessive situation arises is the person's lack of self-confidence. The person cannot manage his loneliness and feels incomplete. When we go back in time, it is not difficult to see that the person had worried parents and was raised that way.
People who start a relationship with skeptical feelings and try to make it work; i.e. Anxious Attachment style! People with an anxious attachment style worry that their partners will stop loving them. They feel fear of abandonment. They worry that they are doing something wrong if their partner acts cold or distant. They fear that they will have to take care of someone else when their partner is away. Their relationships are the focus of their lives and they think a lot about their relationships. They have a tendency to become attached to their partners quickly. They are very affected by the mood of their partners. They worry that if they are abandoned, they will never find anyone again. They think they are not attractive, thin, smart or fun enough. During an argument, instead of talking about the issue, they act reactively and act in ways that they will later regret.
In fact, in these attachment styles, we can often see that partners are subjected to emotional manipulation. Because "Emotional manipulation" It is a type of influence that is deceptive, emotionally destructive and causes psychological problems, aiming to change another person's perception, feeling, thought, behavior and even life in the desired direction.
Apparently; “He won't!” “He didn't!” “If he did it, there was a reason!” Our relationships, as we call them, are toxic relationships that are not healthy! So is there any solution? The most effective way to solve a problem is undoubtedly to identify that problem correctly. This principle is valid in solving all problems in our lives. First of all, your relationship with the person with whom you think you have a “Toxic Relationship” may have turned into an obsessive love. You may think that you cannot live without him, and you may be sure that he needs you... All of these are unhealthy attachment models that will harm both you and the other person. Regardless of the circumstances, you should focus on the relationship of love and trust between you instead of such feelings. Life is too generous and open in showing that no person is truly indispensable. That being the case, when you think in a healthy way, you will understand that it is wrong to become attached to a person to this extent.
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