Marriages built with great hopes may not always continue as expected and couples may decide to divorce. Every family goes through certain processes before and after the couple decides to divorce. While there is emotional turmoil on the one hand, there are financial problems on the other. These developments also change the family's lifestyle. However, since divorce is new, individuals are preoccupied with this issue for a while. Over time, this situation changes, and is replaced by the rush to start a new life.
Divorce and the new order cause complex, successive changes within the family. The first year of divorce is very difficult for adults and children.
An undesirable or harsh divorce may return an adult to a lagging developmental stage or cause his or her personality to lose behavior that is not expected. In this case, the other individuals most affected are children. The change in family structure and ongoing tensions wear them out, too.
Immediately after the divorce, individuals may begin to distance themselves from the social environment. Some people do not accept that they feel unhappiness and anger. They claim that they easily adapt to everything and are happy. Engaging in various activities and hobbies can be good for both children and parents during this period.
It is important that parents who decide to divorce make this decision by considering their children. Most children react to their parents' divorce and experience sadness and anxiety during the divorce process. For children, the word divorce is quite shocking. For this reason, parents who decide to divorce should carefully consider the effects of divorce on the child. If this process is managed well for the child before and after the divorce, the child will learn to accept the change brought by the divorce. Good communication between parents and their unchanging love and interest towards their children will make it easier for the child to adapt to the divorce process.
Life continues after divorce. The bond between parents is never completely broken because they have children. They continue to be in constant communication for their children. It is not possible for the child to emerge unscathed during this process. Because the order and life he is used to changes. But counseling for parents and children When carried out with the UK, the damage will be minimized.
Be careful not to make sudden changes for the child before and after the divorce. Make the changes happen step by step, gradually. This makes the child feel safe before and after the divorce.
Children very often ask the following questions during divorce:
Why are you getting divorced?
You and my mother/father are one. Will you get together again?
Are you getting divorced because of me?
Will I have to change my school?
How often will I see my mother/father?
Will I be able to see my friends?
Will we be poor?
Who will I spend my holidays with?
Talk about whether their roles in the family will change after the divorce. If you are going to start working again or your work hours will change, indicate how much you will need their help at home (such as setting the table, cleaning their own rooms, etc.) However, do not expect your children to replace your ex-spouse, avoid expressions that may mean this: "You are now the man of this family" or “You are my only support”. If the changes in your life become too much for you to cope with, contact a counseling center. Situations that you cannot get out of will help you manage and analyze your emotions.
Do not lie to your child or deceive him in this process. Be honest with him during this process.
During the divorce, it may not be easy for you and your ex-spouse to agree on everything that concerns your child. It would be best for your children to have made many decisions before talking about the separation. Let them know clearly and simply what's going on. Emphasize that it will take time to get used to these changes, but that life will continue normally within the new family order.
Do your best to understand your children's feelings.
If the situation is difficult for you, it will be more difficult for your children. It will be difficult. Encourage them to express their feelings. It is helpful for everyone affected by the event to talk about their feelings and it can reduce the tension.
During the divorce phase, your children will be with their parents. They may want to receive special attention and time for themselves from each of them. This is a difficult process for everyone, but especially for children.
Children should not witness, directly or indirectly, the arguments between divorced parents. Both parents must be able to step back and agree to compromise. If you are having trouble reaching a compromise, use a mediator, especially in the early stages of the divorce; This could be your lawyer, a respected family elder, or a psychological counselor.
Respect your children's relationship with your ex-spouse. He may be your "ex" spouse, but he is not your child's "ex" mother or father. Respect the relationship between the other parent and your child. Let them be able to spend time with her without feeling guilty or unfaithful to you, don't just let it happen, make it happen. Unless your ex-spouse absolutely refuses to care for your children, don't let your differences keep your children away from him or her. A child who has formed strong bonds of love with both his mother and father is best prepared for the future.
In families experiencing separation / divorce, it is not possible to determine exactly what is good or bad, right or wrong, what children feel. Children may react differently depending on their age, gender, emotional state and family support.
Reacting is normal, its duration and severity are important. Many children have a hard time accepting their parents' divorce or separation. The first thing you say is to identify this and convey it clearly to them: “You may be confused, angry, tense, and combative. Don't pretend it's not like that, talk a little about the situations that make you nervous and upset..."
Reactions vary according to age. Age is the most important developmental factor that determines the quality of reactions. The following reactions, listed by age, may make you pause and give you an idea of situations that may require you to consult a professional. When the behaviors and emotions we have listed show extreme and continuity, it means that the reaction has started to become harmful.
Children under 5 years old;
-may appear sad,
-may be afraid of other people,
-wanting to separate from mother/father
-may have sleeping problems,
-eating problems,
-may have moodiness attacks,
-may have difficulties with toilet training,
-may feel responsible for the divorce ( This is especially seen in children between the ages of 3-5).
School-age children;
-become pessimistic, withdrawn,
-get angry,
-get distracted, can't get together,
-his grades may drop,
-he may have fits of moodiness,
-he constantly whines,
-he may become aggressive,
-he may try to bring the parents back together,
br /> -takes sides as if they are expected to side with one of the parents.
Adolescent children;
-may become introverted,
-feel unhappy,
-He may show his anger easily,
-He may become aggressive,
-He may turn to behaviors such as premature or risky sexual intercourse and drug use,
-He may worry that divorce will cause economic disruption in his life.
Divorce in short. It is important to seek psychological counseling before and after, in order for parents and their children to accept and adapt to this situation more quickly and to end this process with the least destruction.
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