Sometimes we have witnessed children crying for no reason(!), that is, for no reason that we know or see. They may show crying behavior like crazy. They actually cry just for the sake of crying, with what we call "little excuses" such as why the color of your socks is not yellow or pink, why your baby's hair is not short or long, why you have eyebrows over your eyes and not your hair. In addition to crying, they also experience outbursts of anger that may even take these behaviors to a higher level, such as "You ask me not to throw myself on the ground, not to hit or bite the person closest to me" while crying. Imagine that while you are going to the market for home shopping, your child wants to buy chocolate, and when you say "no, we can't buy it right now", he starts crying spells and even exhibits behaviors such as throwing himself on the ground, shouting, and then exhibiting aggressive behavior. (Perhaps you may have even experienced this situation). Are these outbursts of anger and crying attacks really caused only by your saying No? In your eyes, these behaviors of your child can be interpreted as "getting him/her to buy chocolate". However, this cannot be said to mean the same thing for the child.
Just as almost no child will get to this point with a single good deed, we can also say that we are aware of the invisible side of the iceberg. What we fail to see is that the child has accumulated such heavy emotions and needs anger to release these emotions. Parents' stance towards understanding the child does not prevent the child from crying or having an outburst of anger. On the contrary, it will cause the child's emotions and anger to increase even more in the face of this situation. At some points, the "ignoring" method is used to deal with the child's behavior during a tantrum. However, contrary to popular belief, these behaviors displayed by the child may also be a desire to send the message "see me". As we ignore this behavior, the child's tendency to have a tantrum increases. So What Should I Do? Before answering the question, it would be better to know what anger is.
What we call anger is difficult to cope with, our accumulated emotions cannot bear it any longer. We can express it as overflowing. It is useful to know that anger is not a behavior, but a part of life, and that being angry and showing it from time to time is an extremely healthy and natural process. However, if you have a child who gets angry frequently and regularly has crises, experiences intense anger and shows aggression, it is possible to talk about a problem there. Around 18 months of age, most children have tantrums when they get angry. These seizures reach their peak at the end of the second year and decrease after the third year. This is because around the age of three, children realize that language is a more effective tool in achieving their wishes. Like adults, some children get angry more easily than other children. Just like a pressure cooker that carries high levels of steam pressure, a little provocation will be enough for children to explode.
When and How Should I Care?
If your child's anger turns into physical aggression towards others, argues with classmates almost every day, gets angry more intensely than other children of the same age, frequently cries and hits others, does not respond to calming efforts, or shouts and pushes you If you find something to get angry about in every aspect of your life and as you read these articles you say yes, you encounter these situations, it's time to take care.
No matter what happens, there is one thing you need to know, and that is to stay calm. Admittedly, it is difficult to remain calm when your child throws a tantrum, throws himself on the ground, and displays aggressive behavior. If your child is driving you crazy, ask for a break to calm down. Hugging your child during his tantrum, standing next to him, and giving the message "I understand you" are among the priority choices. However, if you do not see yourself capable of doing this at that moment, it would be better to walk away for a short time instead of shouting and getting angry.
Try to understand why. Let's face it, children cannot balance and manage their emotions like we adults do. Suppressed emotions do not disappear and you are confronted with anger at an unexpected moment or situation. It comes to you. For this reason, it is necessary to try to know the reason for the situation that creates anger. To do this, you should stop what you are doing for a while and give the message "I care about you, I want to take care of you." Trying to direct will be effective. Accompanying your child in washing his hands and face and making him feel that you are emotionally present at that moment strengthens the emotional bond between you and the child. For this purpose, guidance on how the child can get rid of his anger will be effective.
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