For parents, children's sexual identity is really important. This importance becomes evident even during pregnancy. Although “Be healthy. I don't want anything else. Whatever God gives.” However, we know that parents look forward to the day when they will learn the gender of their baby. Then, everything is shaped according to this learned gender. First, we start separating from colors. The girl becomes pink and the boy becomes blue. Our child's gender determines everything, from his room to his clothes. Of course, so are toy choices and books to read. Nobody buys a doll for a boy or a huge truck for a girl. They don't have such dreams and desires either. We would be surprised if it happened. It shouldn't happen. This is actually a bit more valid for boys. So, when our daughter wants to buy a remote control car or truck, we may not react that much. Sometimes this can even be something to be proud of. We can praise her by saying, "Masha'Allah, she's a girl like a man." But a boy's request for a doll is not something that should be praised or welcomed. We do not praise him by saying, "Mashallah, he is such a girly boy." Among the books to read, if we have a boy, we would not choose Cinderella. It could be Peter Pan, though. When going to the cinema, if we have a son, we may prefer the Little Prince rather than the Snow Queen. Actually, these seem like innocent things, right? Maybe it is, I don't know, but it is certain that we base many things on gender. There are more of these. I want to mention a few more. For example, our children's sexual areas and the meanings we attach to them really differ. For example, a 2-3 year old boy can easily walk around the house without diapers and we laugh about it. Even those who go to the balcony may urinate from there. We can laugh about this too. But I can imagine what an aunt might say when she sees a girl of the same age on the balcony with nothing underneath. “Shhh!...Come in girl, quickly. Is it possible to walk around like that? It's a shame!” This is a concept that the girl child learns about her own gender at a very early age. "Rude!" Then everything is built on this. For example, boys' penises become something that is loved and attracted attention. tiring since childhood. There are many parents who love "Amanda is my son's dick". Of course, after all, it is an organ, like hands and feet. But besides that, I don't think we come across many parents who say "Amanda is my daughter's cunt". I wonder why? Is kuku a bad thing? Doesn't he deserve to be loved like his dick? The same attitudes continue regarding touch. The boy can touch his penis. That's how he pees anyway. But if the girl touches it, it's still "Shhh... take your hand away from there, it's shameful, don't touch it, cover it, cover it, squish." It can happen. Once the childhood period is over, the same kind of approaches continue in the youth period. For example, for boys, one might say, "Oh, there are a lot of girls after my son," and this becomes something that is praised. But again, I have never witnessed a situation that was praised and described as "Oh, there are a lot of men following my daughter, one is leaving, the other is coming." Again, the girlfriends of our young men can easily come to their boyfriends' houses and sometimes even stay over or go on vacation together. But such behavior of a young girl is not received very positively. In terms of first sexual experience, the earlier a young man has his first sexual experience, the more he is praised and favorited within his group of friends. For our young girls, it is acceptable that this happens late or, if possible, not until they get married. Many men expect the girl they marry to be a virgin. For women, the man's inexperience can be written off as a negative. While we reward and encourage the boy's experiences, we can prohibit and punish the girl's. Even among girls, they do not look kindly on their friends who have had early sexual experiences. All of these can cause us to look negatively at our young girls or women who are out in the evening. Unfortunately, even incredibly disgusting situations such as harassment and rape can happen to them. I wonder what would happen if we said let's give up on these upbringing attitudes? Do we raise girls who are like boys or girls who have "gone down the wrong path"? Or will we have girly sons? Can't they prove their manhood? How do they fit in with their peer group? It's a really complicated situation. But here are the girls and boys we raised with these attitudes. We are different, and these attitudes cause them to create various schemas about their own sexuality. When they become adult men and women and have relationships with each other, we expect them to understand each other, but how can they understand each other if they have not been exposed to the same attitudes. Then, both communication problems and sexual problems arise between them. Of course it will come off... it's very normal. Some complain about cheating, some complain about vaginismus. Even there we encounter different attitudes. While a man's cheating is more acceptable and forgivable, a woman's cheating can lead to honor killings. It is not very abnormal for the male generation, which has already been rewarded in their past experiences regarding sexuality, to continue the same learned behavior, nor is it very abnormal for the female generation who has been trying to hide their sexual area since childhood to have vaginismus. Of course, it would not be right to say these as the only reason, but we can never deny the impact of the attitudes applied to us since childhood and the schemas we have created regarding sexuality on our adult sexual life.
Read: 0
