You should listen to the uninvited guest in your bedroom who suddenly comes between you and your spouse while you are sleeping at night and gets cranky to avoid sleeping alone in his room. Your child may be really scared and lying there too anxious to be left alone. Or is he aware of the problems in your relationship and wants to control you?
Almost every parent has had a problem with children wanting to sleep with their parents. The first years of life are the period in which a child's basic sense of trust develops. In this first year of his life, the child needs his mother to be with him, to be shown love and care. In this period, the mouth and lips are the most important means for the child to express his needs, get to know the outside world and be nourished. For this reason, breastfeeding is of great importance not only in terms of feeding your child, but also in terms of providing physical contact with you and relieving tension. It is important that you be in the closest place your child can reach during this period to meet these needs of your child.
Childhood fears are, of course, an issue that we frequently encounter during our preschool years and are an important part of development. During this period, we cannot ignore children who persistently want to sleep with their parents.
So, are your children really afraid or could there be another reason?
Nowadays, there are divorces between spouses. increasing. Working parents, asocial lives and their spouses worry about work, on the one hand, about being a parent; On the other hand, they have a hard time continuing to be husband and wife. This increasingly stressful life sometimes remains a barrier for couples and causes frequent arguments and even high-pressure fights between spouses.
The understanding that the child does not see, does not know, does not understand...
Again, one of the situations we frequently hear and encounter in society is the belief that arguments and fights should not take place in front of our children. Many parents believe that discussions that are not held in front of children preserve the confidentiality and respect in the relationship. However, unspoken problems and unfulfilled arguments lead to serious tension between couples over time. Guys, no matter what you do, you can release this tension. feels and tries to resolve this tension between the parents.
It should not be forgotten that, like every relationship, there cannot be a relationship without controversy. In home environments where emotions are not expressed in a healthy way and various emotions are tried to be suppressed, children suppress their own emotions and try to control them. A child who cannot express his emotions resorts to expressing his emotions implicitly in the face of different situations and events. Well, the problem of sleeping together is actually an expression of serious anxiety in children.
Our children are actually afraid of their parents' separation!
Children are at least as emotionally sensitive as adults, They are good listeners and good observers. In an environment where sentences such as "We can't do it, let's not force it, let's divorce" are used, the child raises his antennae, listens and tries to make sense of some things in his inner world by making good observations.
Oh, my parents are getting divorced! What if they leave me? Then I have to do something!
It can be said that the fear of "abandonment" lies behind the desire of some, but not all, children to sleep with their parents. The child begins to take certain actions to regulate the tension between his parents, out of fear of confronting his fear of abandonment or out of guilt. He believes that this is only possible by making good observations and being around them physically. Thus, the child who says "I am afraid of monsters" actually controls the relationship between his parents. The child, who tries to control his family's relationship, nourishes himself emotionally by thinking that he is doing a favor for them. His behavior for gain actually causes serious anxiety in the child. If this process continues for a long time, it may become obsessions and repetitive behaviors.
Sometimes, the child is seen as the savior of a bad marriage. Just as it is not the reason for maintaining a relationship or love, it should not play a role in the process of ending a love affair. Sometimes one of the couples tries to repair the marriage that is about to end by sleeping with their child or allowing their child to sleep next to them. She does this without realizing it, because when she sleeps with her child, There will be less or no arguments and it tries to give the message that we are a beautiful family by pretending to be together.
My advice to parents: "Observe your children very well." Really try to understand their fears, listen to them, listen to them. Don't let your children grow up too young. Do not allow children to be crushed under responsibilities they cannot handle by giving them major roles such as being a unifier and restorer. A happy child is a child who can leave his family and stay in his room, despite all his fears, where he declares his independence.
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