Sometimes it is good to be organized, to make a schedule, to have things clear, at some point we try to prepare ourselves for the uncertain beforehand, depending on the situations that catch us unprepared. Because uncertainty disturbs us and makes us feel uneasy. In this case, we make the day's schedule one after another and force the people around us to sleep through these schedules. Our spouse, our lover, our mother, our child, our sister, our colleagues, etc. Their comfort disturbs them. It's like they're not clear, and if you don't check it all the time, the thought that you might postpone or not do something will disturb you. You think that they won't do it, not because the people around you won't do it, but because they won't be able to do it at your program speed, exactly the way you want it to be. That situation of not doing something gnaws at you, disturbs you more, and then you try to control it even more. To be clear, you make schedules one after the other: to-do lists for the day, weekly grocery shopping lists, monthly payment schedules, scheduling fun activities, study schedules, etc.
The need to control the unrest within you and the need for clarity in order to eliminate the unrest within you, to be comfortable, forces you at some point. The feeling of anger constantly intensifies when these programs, wishes and needs do not go as you wish. You don't want even minor setbacks to reach your desired goal. You constantly try to control yourself and your surroundings in order to relieve the unrest within you. Controlling the people around you makes them uneasy at a certain point, creates problems, pushes them away from you, and the things you want them to do are disrupted. Because this situation causes them to become angry, to be constantly controlled and not believed as if they were children. And this becomes a repetitive cycle for you. A repetitive cycle of more programs, more order, more control, more anger, and more programs and more control. Your own cycle, the cycle of your own inner unrest...
So much so that this is about not being able to give up your own control more than others, about the fact that if you let go, something will not go right, the main thing is about constantly restraining yourself, otherwise you will be afraid of losing something. It's about losing your self, your integrity that you've been trying to strengthen for years...
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