Self-handicapping, defined by Berglas and Jones in 1978, helps people maintain their self-esteem by attributing faults to external causes. The self-sabotage of the individual to protect his/her self occurs in two ways: Verbal and behavioral sabotage.
A voice inside may be telling you the opposite of what you actually want to do. For example, there is an important job interview that you need to prepare for, but instead of preparing for it, you wash and iron the curtains, wipe and clean the house from top to bottom. You see, you don't have time to prepare.
The reason behind trying to clean instead of sitting down and preparing for a job interview may be your fear of failing. Since it is possible to be prepared and rejected, you can say that when you are not prepared and rejected, I did not work hard anyway. This comfort may actually be done to prevent the self from being unsuccessfully damaged. While procrastinating is in the behavioral sabotage class, it is in the excuse class that I haven't worked hard anyway. You are preparing for an exam, but you left it until the last night and you realize that you did not put in a lot of effort, you leave the exam and say, 'I never understood the subject anyway'. The sabotage mechanism works by making excuses and being ready for it even before an incident occurs. All these excuses you put forward actually serve no purpose other than cutting the branch you are on.
Why Do People Sabotage Oneself?
Fear of Success
You may be someone who asks himself what happens if I succeed. If we look at the examples, there will be responsibilities waiting for you if you succeed. These responsibilities may not seem as sweet to you as succeeding. If you grew up in a family environment where being successful was determined as endless goals, you can experience this. Success is never enough because after each one you are motivated by the other. On the other hand, you may worry if I will change when I am successful. If you will experience situations that will cause you to leave your environment when you are successful, fear of success may arise.
Fear of Failure
His Childhood If you grew up in a family environment where success is a priority, if you grew up thinking that they would not love you as much as they did before when you say you failed, it may actually be a defense from the past with your reinforced belief that you should not fail. Procrastination and not making a lot of effort are examples of these.
Feeling I Don't Deserve
There may be a voice inside that tells you that you don't deserve success, love and being loved. Creating problems in a relationship that is going well, making mistakes over and over while getting a promotion, and the feeling that I don't deserve to graciously push someone away can have consequences. Why did I do this to myself that you will say/hear his plea to yourself much later? The reasons behind it; There may be thought errors, past life experiences, and traumatic memories you've had in the family.
Not Daring to Be Disturbed
Habits manifest themselves spiritually as well as materially. To give an example, if you are in trouble with the question of why I continue to stay in a relationship where you are unhappy, you might think about this. You're used to this relationship, even if it hurts. Not being prepared for the unhappiness and loneliness that will occur when it ends can stress and scare you. As the resulting emptiness may cause the need to be filled, you can prevent the feeling of discomfort caused by the emptiness in this way.
How Do I Prevent This?
1. The first step is to notice. It will not be easy for you to admit this to yourself. Even if you have a hard time, you need to give yourself time to accept it.
2. Then there is the search for the motivation behind sabotaging yourself. There could be many specific reasons for this. If this belief runs too deep, it is essential that you be determined to continue your effort. Otherwise, it will not be a surprise to find yourself in a state of mind.
3. If you've come this far, it's time to be open to change. Easy in word, tough in action. Remember, you will resort to a different path than the one up to now. Don't expect to run right away on this new path you will learn. 4. The person you see in the mirror You are the first person to support. Let me know first that you can do this. On the other hand, social support relaxes you in this process. The presence of people next to you gives you strength.
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