Emotional Deprivation

If you have an Emotional Deprivation schema, many of the following items will be familiar to you:

DELIVERY COMMUNICATION

• Behaviors – partners:
• My spouses are cold people who do not show their feelings.
• I do not tell my wishes and feelings to my relatives.
• I do not expect attention and understanding from anyone.

Emotions:

• I have a feeling of emptiness inside me.
• I am often upset because I am not understood by my relatives.
• I'm not special to anyone.
• I feel lonely, sad and hurt for some unknown reason.
• I feel insignificant, worthless.
• I don't feel like anyone cares about my feelings.
• Sometimes I don't know what I feel or what I want.
• I feel distant even with the people closest to me.

AVOID COMMUNICATION

• I stay away from intimacy.
• There is no such thing as true love There's no point in having a relationship.
• Love is deceitful, vain and unpredictable.
• I don't let people guide me or protect me.
• Sometimes I am said to seem distant and inaccessible.

COACHING OVER COMPENSATION

• When my spouses do not understand me, I get very angry and irritable.
• When my spouses do not show interest in me, I get angry and irritable.
• I can be very persistent when I want something.
• I express my feelings and wishes very intensely.
• I blame my relatives for not taking enough care of me.

ORIGINS

If you have the Emotional Deprivation schema, some of the following childhood experiences may reflect you:

• My mother/ my father was cold and unloving.
• My mother/father would not empathize with me, would not listen to my wishes.
• My mother/father would not hug me, touch me, would not kiss me.
• My mom/dad wouldn't make time for me (don't play with me, wouldn't listen to me, wouldn't look at my pictures, etc.)
• I had toys to play with, but no one really cared about me.
• My mom/dad wouldn't calm me down when I was upset/feared.
• My parents wouldn't protect me, they wouldn't guide me.
• In my childhood, my feelings were not accepted, they were unrecognizable.
• When I was a child, they were very impressed with my abilities and took an interest in my abilities.
• The elders around me mostly showed their love with gifts and material things.
• When I was a kid, I didn't have to follow some rules.

IMPACTS ON LIFE

• How does the Emotional Deprivation scheme affect your life:
• Those around you because you haven't opened up about your feelings and needs they don't understand you. And you get angry at them for not understanding you.
• You put a lot of pressure on people to understand and care about you. This is how they get away from you. You are sad again.
• You try not to look fragile and not to get help. You are deprived of the pleasure of establishing close relationships, you feel an emptiness inside.

Also;

As a child, you may have developed an imperfection/shame schema, thinking that your emotional deprivation was due to your own inadequacy.

You may have learned to acquire interest and love by displaying talent, by being beautiful, by being rich. In this way, the confirmation seeking scheme can be developed.

You may have learned to receive attention and love by helping people a lot and caring more about them than yourself. In this way, you may have developed a self-sacrifice schema.

*Please also take a look at the pages of these diagrams.

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