Approval Seeking Chart

If you have the Approval Seeking scheme, some of the following explanations are very familiar to you:

• I want to be very famous, rich, very successful.

• Having a lot of money or status is very important to me.

• I want people to admire me.

• I want everyone to love me.

• I love being praised.

• I think a lot about how others see me.

• I feel very bad if others judge me negatively.

• I feel very bad if other people say bad things about me, I think for days.

• What if people think badly about me… ” I tense up.

• How I act and speak seems to depend on the person I am with at the moment.

• Compliment from others , interest; it makes me feel valued.

• Sometimes I feel like I don't know who I am/what kind of person I am.

• The clothes I will wear, my social media posts and I often consult my friends/family about other day-to-day decisions (I decide based on their answers.)

• I praise myself/achievements in group chats.

• When I'm with people, I worry a lot about doing something wrong or hurting someone.

If you have the Confirmation Seeking scheme, you may have childhood experiences similar to the following:

• When I was little, what other people thought in our family was very important.

• I've heard such words as “What does the earth say”, “People say …” from my mother/father a lot.

• My friends I hang out with, my clothing, my hobbies, etc.

• When I was little, I used to ask my family about spending money, getting dressed, getting my hair cut, and who I would be friends with; I would act according to their wishes.

• When I please others (when I am a good child), I receive love and appreciation.

Flawlessness, Social Isolation and Emotional Deprivation schemas can also be the source of this Approval Seeking schema.

The Confirmation Seeking schema may be affecting your life in the following ways:

• You lack a sense of who you are.

• You spend so much time and energy trying to find things that will make other people love you that you don't realize what your own needs and feelings are.

• You are devastated when people reject you.

• Appearance is very important to you. You have obsessions about your body, clothing, hair, or material possessions.

• When you are with people, you are too anxious because you are afraid of hurting people or doing something wrong.

• There is a big emptiness inside you because you don't know who you are you feel lonely

• You can't form deep bonds with other people because you don't know who you are.

• You are experiencing dissatisfaction because you do not make important decisions in your life according to your own wants and needs.

• You have a career you don't like and you keep taking up hobbies you don't like (because you only take them because they look cool.)

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