The first of the events that make a relationship and marriage difficult is the situation of cheating. If the first reason for divorces or romantic relationships to end is not getting along, the second "apparent" reason is that one of them has cheated on the other. Infidelity cases constitute an important part of the reasons for couples coming to family and couple therapy. In the file published by the Turkish Statistical Institute on the grounds of divorce in 2006, cheating/deception is at the top of the list of reasons for divorce.
Today, when we look at the rates of cheating for men and women, it is seen that this is almost equal. In the past, when it comes to cheating, it was generally thought to be experienced by men and as a sexual relationship. Nowadays, we see that its dimensions and gender distributions are different, and the situation seen as emotional infidelity is increasing.
The involvement of one other in the romantic relationship between two people reminds couples therapists of the concept of "triangulation". From this point of view, we actually see or feel that the partner "cheats" the other not only with another woman/man, but sometimes with their job, sometimes with a team they support, sometimes with a group of friends. This process, which is characterized by relegation and triangulation, is seen to be felt with feelings such as loneliness and worthlessness, unless the visible presence of another comes into play. While reading this article, I think that reading the concept of infidelity (although it sounds more like a situation characterized by the involvement of another woman/man in a relationship) can also contribute to making sense of the processes you experience in a relationship. Or it would not be a very correct approach to say that you are in relationships. A significant number of couples who come to therapy state that their relationship is going very well and they cannot understand how their partner is with another person. When we look at today's marriages/relationships, it would not be correct to say that cheating is only for sexuality. So why do people cheat? Especially for women and a large number of men, just to be liked, approved, is another important thing. We cannot deny that they can enter into a relationship outside the relationship in order to experience seeing themselves through the eyes of the other person and to develop in a way. In addition, we can state that in each relationship dynamic and each individual's own internal processes, there may be different expansions in initiating, maintaining and making sense of this process. We know that being able to see this part passes an important point both for the relational field and for our individual processes, and can bring important information to see some aspects that are left in the dark or left in the dark.
Is cheating a trauma? Whether it is experienced in the dimension of trauma can be determined by how it is learned, the depth of the event that is hidden from him, where the deception is located in the individual's life, the type of deception and whether it continues, but it is certain that the case of deception causes a narcissistic injury. Just as physical disasters damage a person's sense of security, this type of non-relationship also prevents the partner from feeling safe for a while; Confidence gives way to worry and threat. Living with the feeling of being constantly on the alert is also quite tiring and challenging. Most of the time, the cheated person feels the ground under their feet has been pulled and left in space.
One of the most challenging issues for couples therapists and partners is that the cheated spouse is often curious about the details of the relationship. Although it is known that the opposite is more appropriate, people want to learn all the details of the non-relationship relationship. For this reason, the number of people whose health has deteriorated and who have difficulty in controlling their emotions is quite remarkable. In fact, in such a situation, curbing the desire to learn the details of the event is like closing the wound tightly with a clean tampon. It is necessary to prevent further blood loss and the risk of infection.
As in this article, we encounter a serious contamination and persistence of the word deception wherever it is mentioned. Afterwards, every thought, speech and act between couples starts and ends with this word, it is like a smell that permeates every part of the relationship, and the relationship can continue to deteriorate just for this reason. It is still possible to evaluate relationships outside of this definition or in its neutrality. People like this Relationships can be remedied, healed and renewed if they are able to think and act first. Understanding and following the meaning of such a possible situation, not how cheating is detected, can lead people to a meaningful result in a relational and individual sense.
The phenomenon of cheating changes the existing relationship; The story of the relationship ended as it was known and lived until that day, and the relationship settings changed. Will the relationship be formatted and a new setup will be made, or will the parties collect their broken feelings as much as possible and move from that relationship? It is not a rare situation that cheating is used in favor of the relationship when psychological support is received and it even makes the relationship more satisfying.
It has been seen that thinking of cheating as a relationship accident works; just as when we have a traffic accident, we take ourselves to the hospital and our vehicle to the service; In relationship accidents, it is recommended to get expert psychotherapist support for the recovery of individuals and the repair (or evacuation) of the relationship. What will be done in therapy will be to see and evaluate how people feel, to determine what kind of injuries and fractures they cause in the relationship and in the person, and to ensure that they are repaired, to see and evaluate how they cause changes in the person against the other party. It is a very common clinical observation that those who want to end the relationship with such support are ensured to end the relationship without much injury, and couples who decide to continue the relationship and accordingly restructure their relationship and move the process to a much better point.
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