I would like to start my article by expressing that I am very happy to meet you, dear "Living Bursa" readers, again after a long time.
About 2 years ago, I shared my thoughts with you on various topics for a few months. In this month's article, I wanted to create an article as a summary of the broadcasts by combining the two topics we examined in the Health Line program on ASTV on Fridays. In this way, I aim to reach the article to individuals who could not watch the broadcast.
In the first part, I will touch upon domestic violence. When we say violence, if I ask you to close your eyes and think about it, the first and most frequent thing that comes to your mind will probably be physical violence. In other words, it will mostly appear in your mind as individuals hitting each other, engaging in physically damaging behavior, and displaying aggressive attitudes; However, when we look at the literature on this subject, we come across that violence is examined under 4 main headings (when the literature of psychology is examined). At this point, I hope that talking about the types and their content will actually cause us to experience some awareness about the issue of violence and then do our best to correct it.
PHYSICAL VIOLENCE: By definition, any attack against an individual's body is called physical violence. .
Types; slapping, kicking, punching, shaking, beating, squeezing the throat of the other party, injuring with cutting objects, injuring and killing with firearms.
PSYCHOLOGICAL VIOLENCE: These are attacks that target the emotions and thoughts of the individual rather than his body.
Types; Shouting, intimidating, swearing or insulting, putting pressure on and restricting the person on matters within his or her control (e.g. clothing style, eating habits, etc.), ignoring personal and personality rights and characteristics, disregarding values and beliefs, humiliating, offending, etc. We can state that there are types.
ECONOMIC VIOLENCE: It is the type of economic resources used as a means of threat and control between individuals.
Its types are; Not meeting the needs of the house when there is financial sufficiency, not providing the material needed for life, giving limited money, failing to provide the whole family Making individual decisions on matters concerning the individual, interfering with individuals' freedom to work, obstructing or forcing them to work, inheritance, etc. We can define it as the use of elements in a managerial sense.
SEXUAL VIOLENCE: It can be defined as forcing or subjecting an individual to sexual behavior in cases where he/she does not want or consent
Types; sexual abuse, harassment, rape, all kinds of sexual contact that does not amount to rape, assault on sexual organs, sharing sexual images, videos or articles, forcing people to watch or read them, forcing them to give birth or not to give birth, forcing them into prostitution, questioning their virginity status, etc. are specified as actions.
I don't want to bore you by talking about these types and what they include; However, the main reason why I do this is that when we read, if similar attitudes and behaviors are being applied to us or if we are applying them to the other party, we need to realize and change our behavior as soon as possible.
As part of my profession, I have been conducting individual and group meetings for a considerable time. During my interviews, I came across many different life stories, and especially when I examine family relationships, I see that many of the types of violence we mentioned are inflicted on each other by individuals, knowingly or unknowingly.
In the frequently seen picture, I observe that physical and psychological violence is common, firstly in the husband-wife relationship and then on the children, if any. I also witness stories of economic and sexual violence, although their frequency is low.
ANGER MANAGEMENT
After talking about the types of violence and examples of how it can be seen in the family, I would like to move on to the subject of anger management, which I think completes the subject very well.
The reason is that when we are exposed to any type or many types of violence, we feel anger as the first sensation that may appear in our emotional world. Individuals become angry when they are hindered, attacked, or forced to do things. This is a very basic feeling. Just as; such as anxiety, fear, sadness, stress, excitement, joy. In this sense, we can say that if there is domestic violence, anger will come with it. z. However, violence alone will not always create the emotion of anger. For example; A person experiencing a medical illness may feel angry. Or a person who does not get the result he expected before the law may become angry. It is not always just violence that triggers.
If you say, "Well, sir, what should we do if this is the case?", we will touch on that lastly. First of all, I would like you not to believe some of the "nonsense" about this issue. For example; "When you get angry, close your eyes for 10 seconds and let your anger go away.", "You shouldn't get angry.", "You should always control your anger." etc. I recommend that you stay away from populist discourses by making logical inquiries.
We must know this very clearly; Anger or an individual's anger is one of the basic elements that exist throughout the evolutionary process and make humans human. There must be anger. When a person gets angry, it is one of the signs that show that the person is a healthy individual. BUT THE CRITICAL PART HERE IS TO BE ABLE TO KEEP OUR ANGER AWAY FROM BEING A DAMAGEFUL EMOTION TO OURSELVES OR OUR ENVIRONMENT AT THE MOMENTS WHEN OUR ANGER IS VERY SEVERE. THAT MEANS BEING ABLE TO PREVENT THEM FROM TURNING TO VIOLENCE.
Scientific research on anger shows us that; When we are angry we need 20 minutes. This place is very critical. So, if the intensity of our anger is very high, we need time to gain control. I would like to end my article by giving 4 key suggestions for very basic control.
Realize that you are angry. Express this verbally if necessary. The ideal thing, although it is not always possible, is to express this to someone who makes you angry. If you are angry about an event, it is also very important to define this event and your emotion.
Control your breathing. At the moment of anger (everyone can bring to mind a memory of being angry), our breathing rate increases because the sympathetic nervous system is neurophysiologically activated. Being able to control your breathing is very important in this sense.
Stay away from the event or person that makes you angry for at least 20 minutes. If necessary, leaving the environment or visualizing another environment in your mind (imagination technique) will be effective.
When we calm down, try to identify what really made you angry. Increase your insight.
If you take these 4 suggestions into consideration, you will have the opportunity to experience that anger management is possible. However, if you frequently have difficulty controlling your anger and if it becomes uncontrolled and harms you and/or those around you, do not hesitate to seek support from a mental health professional.
I wish you days when there is no violence and you can control your anger as much as possible...
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