Each of us has been broken and hurt at some point in our lives. Each of us has experienced emotional pain, resentment, and shock. Knowing and being aware of this, even though it hurts us, what we do with these resentments, how we cope, how we continue our lives, is much more important than the resentments themselves. Because of these resentments, most of us either cannot live our lives actively, or get stuck in the events that happened, or spend most of our time thinking about these events, because we do not know how to put past resentments aside, move forward, and continue with life.
Most of the time, we are afraid of the resentments we experience. We blame others first for this. In return, we either expect an apology or want them to see and accept that their behavior was wrong. In cases where these are not done or resentments cannot be overcome, we become trapped in intense emotions and thoughts and experience the same pain over and over again. That's why we experience a constant, ongoing feeling of being stuck. Our desire is to get rid of this feeling, but we do not know how to do it.
So how will we do this? Is there a method?
We start by deciding.
In order to let go of resentments, eliminate them, move on and make room for new happiness, it is necessary to decide first. For this reason, it is very important to consciously make a promise to ourselves. By deciding to let go of resentments; We refuse to repeatedly relive past painful experiences and accept that we have a choice to leave the events behind. This first step is very important; if we are not willing and determined enough, our efforts may be in vain and there may be blockages on the way to a solution.
After deciding to let go of resentments and be happy, the second best step that can be taken is to try to express the resentments and emotions experienced. So, what is the use of expressing our feelings?
With this method, we express ourselves verbally or by writing and concretize our resentments. In this way, we can better see what and to whom our resentments are directed, and in which areas they are most concentrated.
D When expressing emotions, we can express what we feel to ourselves or to the person who caused the offense. The choice here is entirely ours. We can diversify our self-expression by using different methods, whether by telling it to a friend, or by writing a letter to ourselves or the other person. For example, by writing, we can see how much of an impact we have on events in which areas. Seeing this allows us to realize the behaviors we would not want to do next time and to think about what we can do differently and to produce alternative behaviors.
Most of the time, looking for and finding the blame on someone else is comforting for a short time. Because in this way, we feel good and see ourselves as a victim who has no fault. After a short time, when this feeling of relief passes, we are left alone with the emotions we experience and continue to experience our pain. So how long will we continue to experience this pain? Do we want to continue feeling bad because of someone else's behavior?
Starting to feel good, being happy is always an option, we always have this option. What we need to do is take responsibility and strive to be happy. If we don't take action and take responsibility, won't we be giving the person who caused our resentment the opportunity to make us unhappy? Wouldn't it be more logical and pragmatic to think about someone who hurt us, upset us, or made mistakes against us in the past, and instead of devoting energy and time to them, allocate the same energy and time to things that can make us happy? Most of us answer this question with yes, it is very important, but unfortunately instead of doing this, we get stuck in the past so much that we miss the “now”. However, we all know that we cannot change the past. We should know that what we need to do is to leave the past, it and the events that happened, and focus on the present, because if we focus on today, that is, "here and now", we will think less about the past and spend less energy.
Of course, it is not easy to forget the past and get rid of its effects at once. .. Sometimes in some moments there will be reminders, we will remember the past, we will be sad. When we encounter this situation, we can accept and think about the past and what happened for a short time, and then remove ourselves from these thoughts and focus on the "here and now", that is, the present. Thus We can prevent this sad mood from continuing for a long time.
Sometimes we get so stuck in the intensity of emotions we experience, the emotions that cause us pain, that we don't even think about forgiving. However, if we accept the mistake made, put aside our resentments and forgive, we will return to our lives, but we do not dare to do this. We hold on so tightly to our anger, resentment, and pain that we don't let them go. Forgiveness means letting go and moving on. Forgiving the person who caused the resentment, especially forgiving ourselves, is an important step to continue life where we left off. Even though we have an impact on the resentments experienced, how will we be happy if we do not forgive ourselves and the other person?
Yes, it is not easy to forget and forgive some of the mistakes and mistakes made.. It is difficult to forgive and be happy. Because over time, we get so used to our pain that it becomes our best friend. That's why even the thought of putting it aside and moving on often makes us feel like we're committing a sin, but these pains and resentments, which are like our very close friends, harm us. It creates stress, damages our ability to focus and negatively affects our relationships... Therefore, it is necessary to make a change and get rid of these negative effects and continue living as a much happier and healthier individual.
There have always been difficulties, and they continue to be. will continue..Of course, change is not an easy process, but the important thing is to be aware and strive to change things. After sufficient and correct effort, the result will definitely come, as long as you believe it.
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