Many of us are familiar with sentences like "My son has become a man." "Show your uncle your dick." "Have you had it cut yet?" right? So, while saying these, have you ever thought about how traumatic an event circumcision is?
Dear parents! Summer is here and wedding season has begun. Many parents will perform the circumcision, which they postponed for their children, in the summer. So, how should we go through this process with our children, how should we inform them, how should we protect ourselves and our children from the wrong beliefs and thoughts in society?
Since we, as a society, consider circumcision the norm for boys, whether circumcision is traumatic or not We don't even think about it. During circumcision, many children scream at the top of their lungs or become completely withdrawn in hospital rooms. Afterwards, musical entertainment is held with relatives and friends. The child is trying to be happy in crowds, on the one hand, with the pain of pain and the sadness of loss on the other.
Yes, circumcision can sometimes be traumatic. Especially if he is not well prepared for the process, he does not know what will happen during and after the surgery. This situation can become traumatic for boys who do not know. With good preparation and information, without joking but without scaring too much; We must allow our children to experience their emotions in a healthy way.
Things that should never be done:
- Telling suddenly or at the last moment that your son will be circumcised. (You should leave at least a period of 2-3 weeks for your child to process the circumcision and ask the questions he wants to ask about the process.)
- Trying to dismiss circumcision as an unimportant issue.
- Circumcision is followed by a typical doctor's check-up. introduce like. (Because it is not like that)
- Not recognizing the loss of the child after circumcision and ignoring his sad and upset attitude.
- To make your son feel good, "You are now a man." Trying to celebrate in the form of.
- To have circumcision during the oedipal period (between the ages of 3 and 5).
Why is the age between three and five important?
Circumcision is performed between the ages of 3-5, when it is assumed that children are in the oedipal period. should not be applied. According to Freud's theory, the boy adopts the mother as his first love object; He has hostile feelings towards his father. During this period, the child tries to hit his father at every opportunity and take out his anger; In this conflict, he also has thoughts about his penis, in which he is in competition with his father.
While the child's superego begins to develop in this period, he is also in an unconscious conflict within the family; It is a very challenging process for a child to lose his penis, which he values most and attaches great meaning to.
The frequent occurrence of statements such as "I don't want to grow up" and "I won't be a big brother" by children in recent years are actually traces of traumatic experiences. It is related to. Circumcision is just one of them... The idea of giving up childhood or this painful growth does not make much sense for the child. On top of these, the verbal discourses brought by those around... Unhealthy discourses such as "You have become a man, you have grown up...", which do not mean anything to the child...
We see that when we know these developmental stages very well, we deem it appropriate that circumcision should not be performed in these age groups. . Because this period (between the ages of 3 and 5) is actually the critical period that causes many of our beliefs, attitudes and emotions to be formed in our adulthood.
How Should Circumcision Be Explained to Children?
First of all, we must explain to children that circumcision is a practice that will relieve the individual, partly physically and partly in terms of health. Do not make light of the truth in order to make the procedure applied to the child psychologically lighter, because this will be an attitude that will fundamentally shake your child's trust.
Journal statements such as “Your dick will be cut.” may be brief, as they are completely distorting the truth. can momentarily reduce the anxiety of parents and relatives; but it does not reduce your child's anxiety. Therefore, avoid such jokes.
If there will be entertainment at the circumcision wedding, ask your child if he wants this entertainment. Children generally love fun events. Talk to your child about the difficulties that circumcision will cause during entertainment. Explain logically to him why the fun part is being done. Tell me. Prepare him step by step for what awaits him that day.
Possible behaviors that can be seen after circumcision:
(Hiding and hiding behaviors / Depressive affect – being extremely sad)
Some behaviors can be observed in children after circumcision. These sometimes occur during games and sometimes in daily life. We can see behaviors such as hiding and burying small pieces in games. The child brings up an issue that actually preoccupies his mind experientially and processes it through play. Thus, although the loss that comes with circumcision is traumatic at first, it later becomes a process that can be internalized and understood for the child. Sometimes, more feminine behavior can be observed in boys after circumcision. The child may suddenly give up car games and soldier games and turn to games played by girls. Never direct your children when you observe this type of behavior. Remember that this process is a healing process for your child.
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