Cheating is one of the most common and most damaging situations in today's relationships
. Although the common view is that men cheat more, in fact, women
cheat as much as men.
Although what we know about human psychology is still limited and there are multiple reasons that affect human behavior
There are some psychological explanations
as.
EVOLUTIONARY CAUSE OF CHEATING
According to evolutionary psychologists; Considering that the pregnancy period is 9 months, and considering that a woman's chance of getting pregnant and having a child in her lifetime is at most 20, and considering that it is biologically close to impossible to have 20
children, the woman chooses the man with whom she will have a child. When choosing
, she has to choose among the strongest men and those who are most suitable to care for children and women. In other words, women have the responsibility to act selectively. In the animal world
the situation generally works this way. The female animal gets together with the male who wins the fight between male animals, that is, she chooses the strongest.
The situation is different for men. A man can have sex with more than one woman in a day and has the chance to get a woman pregnant in each
relationship, but on the other hand, the man cannot fully know that the child that will be born is his, and the child that will be born will always be from another man. There is a possibility that
may occur. In order to increase the probability of a child being born from his own sperm
, the man increases the probability of having a child from himself by scattering his sperm to as many women as possible.
Apart from this bio-evolutionary explanation, there are other explanations for the reason for cheating.
1-PROBLEMS BETWEEN SPOUSES
The most common reason given by cheating people is the problems in their relationship. Couples who have communication problems begin to fight over time and have resentments that last for a long time. In this process
people devote more time to work or the outside world and become increasingly distant from each other.
They become confused with their partner. While the person experiencing boredom sometimes consciously turns to someone else,
sometimes he/she gets closer to someone who is already around, and this leads to cheating.
2- GETTING BORED
Couples usually He/she spends a lot of energy during the flirting phase of the relationship and makes intense efforts to get the other person
. People who cannot add new excitement to the relationship may want to turn to another partner and enjoy the innovations and differences that the new person brings to their life. As the famous
psychotherapist Yalom said, "Behind every beautiful woman, there is a man who is tired of making love with a beautiful woman" or vice versa
3- DESIRE TO PUNISH THE WIFE
In the problems experienced in bilateral relations, sometimes one of the parties may behave in a way that will hurt or disturb the other
. In response, the other spouse feels intense anger towards his/her partner and may cheat on his/her spouse in order to punish him/her. The things that make people angry are different in every relationship. While a
spouse may cheat because he/she does not receive enough attention, another may cheat on his/her spouse to take revenge when he/she is cheated on.
4-SOME SPECIAL PERIODS
Cheating rates in some periods of life. increasing. For example, people review their lives between the ages of 40 and 50, which we call the midlife crisis. If a person sees that he cannot achieve
most of what he wants in life, he may try to make changes in his life and live a different
life than the one he has lived so far. Menopause and anthroposis problems in midlife crisis may increase the severity of the person's depression and he/she may cheat on his/her partner during this period.
5-PREGNANCY PERIOD RISKS
Another important period is when the woman is pregnant or not. It is also the period when the baby is born. If the woman frequently rejects the man's desire to make love, or if the man does not find his wife sexually attractive during this period, or if his wife sanctifies him because she is now a mother, the man may turn to another partner.
6- INDIVIDUAL PROBLEMS.
Cheating does not always result from problems within the relationship. Sometimes, while the relationship continues perfectly
, the person falls in love with the person he/she is with. He can cheat. Underneath this, there are usually unconscious fears and anxieties that the person experiences regarding close relationships and attachment. A person does not make sufficient financial,
emotional and social investment in the relationship he/she lives in, and therefore may risk giving up on the person he/she is with and losing him/her.
The best example of this is "The Man Without Heat". He is the leading actor in the movie. These people cannot establish close emotional relationships, and when they encounter an attempt in this direction, they move away. Because the ability of these people to face emotions is weak.
7- PROBLEMS WITH SEXUALITY
Dissatisfaction in sexual life can lead both men and women to another partner. The quality of sexuality is as important as the frequency of sexual life
. Everyone has a sexual life style in their fantasy world. If a person does not have the sexual life they dream of with their partner, they can look for it in another partner.
8- ENVIRONMENT, SOCIAL MEDIA, CONSUMPTION AGE
Through social media such as dating sites, people can meet many new people while sitting at home
. Over time, there may be a rapprochement between these people who spend a long time on the computer, and this may lead to deception.
In the past, even finding a pin could be very difficult, but now people can reach everything very easily and
has become available. When this happens, things that are easily obtained can be easily given up.
While people used to think that if my relationship ended, it would be difficult to find a new relationship, now many people
have become more courageous, thinking that it is easy to meet new people. This has turned into a factor that makes cheating easier.
9- EARLY MARRIAGE AND FALLING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE
Studies show that women who marry before the age of 22 are more likely to marry than men who marry before the age of 24.
shows that you divorced quickly. As people get older, they begin to look at life differently
. In early marriages, people get married out of excitement, but as they get older, their expectations and tastes from a relationship or life change. The relationship they have
person They may fall in love with another person because it does not satisfy them well.
10- SOME TIPS ON CHEATING
Every person who fits the characteristics defined above or meets some of the situations below cheats, or this
It is never possible to say anything for sure that people who do not fit the definitions do not cheat. But some common points that are frequently seen in cases of cheating are as follows.
Frequently having numbers you don't recognize on his phone.
Frequently appearing on his credit card statements, accounts such as restaurants he doesn't normally go to, shopping invoices.
He has been paying more attention to his clothing lately than before.
He often comes late for work-related reasons.
He often goes on business trips.
Spending most of his free time, such as weekends, with friends other than you.
Staying away from sexual intercourse with you, not being as close as before.
He uses e-mail, phone, etc. secretly and when you come to hang up immediately.
He complains that you often cause trouble or are told off.
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