Adolescence, which is one of the developmental periods of human life, is a challenging period for both young people and families. In this period, the adolescent tries to reconstruct his identity. Adolescents who want to stay away from their families during the construction process meet their relational needs through their friends.
The body grows rapidly during adolescence, but the rational decision-making mechanism is not fully developed. The adolescent, who looks almost like an adult, has not completed his reasoning process. For this reason, while it wants freedom, it also needs support and guidance.
Due to hormonal changes in adolescence, an adolescent wants to love and fall in love with someone. Therefore, he begins to be curious about love and sexuality. Adolescents may want to be liked, stand in front of the mirror for hours, emulate the figures on social media, and be influenced by the love relationships they see.
Love is an inevitable and healthy emotion at any age. It is also quite healthy for the adolescent to try to please the person he likes or to try to get attention. If your teenage son/daughter tells you that he/she is in love with you or makes you feel even though he doesn't, take a deep sigh and sit back because your child is showing a healthy development.
It is not possible to prohibit love, nor is it necessary. If your child comes and tells you that he is in love, it shows that your relationship with your child is good. If you blame or belittle your child at this point, your child will stop telling you about the situation, which may result in undesired problems.
When you find out that your child is in love or when you see the signs of falling in love (smiling while texting on the phone, dressing up for hours, trying to look beautiful, etc.) "Alas! My child has fallen in love.” You can panic. Keep calm and read the steps below. Remember, you don't need to find out that your child is in love to have a conversation with your child about love and sexuality. Even if you are getting some signals, you can have this conversation.
Here's What You Need To Do;
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Come and say, "Let's talk about this with you," with compassion. start talking. This is your duties One of you because the child will fall in love during this period and will need your guidance. If we inform your child in advance, you will make your child's job easier.
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Tell me about your own experiences. “You know, when I was in middle school, I used to like someone, I got excited when I saw them, I took care of my appearance so that he would like me.” Having this conversation does not mean that you are face to face with the child. On the contrary, the child learns that their emotions are normal and what to do.
Be non-judgmental, listen carefully. "How do you feel?" ask. Sometimes your child may give exaggerated answers. You may think that your child is exaggerating the situation, that he is too in love, and that it will hurt him. What you should not forget is that your child may experience intense emotions, the important thing is that he does not overdo it behaviorally. If you listen to your child without judgment, you will open up space for your child's feelings.
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Do not use the following sentences: “When I was young, poplar winds were blowing in my head, and then it passed. Today you fall in love with someone else, tomorrow you fall in love with someone else, these things are like that. Emotions come and go, don't care too much." If you make sentences like these, you will crumple up your child's feelings and throw them away. You should definitely stay away from these phrases.
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The correct sentences are; “So you fell in love, so you feel excited too. It sounds very good, can you share it with me, how do you feel, what do you think?”. Don't slur, don't criticize, don't give advice, just listen. If you can only listen, you've done a great job.
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Explain your own truths. After briefly talking about your own experiences and listening to your child without judgment, you can start to tell your own truth. “Being in love is a good feeling, at this age people can be interested in someone, get excited. These are normal. It's okay to feel that way." It is enough to listen to your child by saying. You can advance the process by half-ignoring and half-observing from the outside. any fl It may well be that you don't speak casually enough to confirm the cover status.
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Speak limits. Families can have a hard time talking about boundaries. A conversation like this is appropriate: “Many things in life start with good feelings, but then they can get out of hand. Let's talk about some things so things don't get out of hand. We can talk to you about anything as mother-daughter/father-son. Let's say this person you like wanted to befriend you and wanted to hold your hand, what would you do? (Note to parents: don't just dictate your own truth. Your child's boundaries are important here.) Growing up means being subject to boundaries and taking responsibility. Let's say you agreed to hold his hand, but what would you do if he wanted to kiss you on the cheek? Let's say you agreed to kiss him on the cheek, so what would you do if he wanted to touch your hair? Let's say you accept this, what would you do if he wanted to kiss you on the lips? Keep asking questions until the child says, "I won't allow this." Thus, the child will see his own limit.
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