Everything starts like in the movies; beautiful dreams, sweet words, excitement... Sometimes everything does not go as planned and separation may knock on the door. Although this situation varies from person to person, in some cases it can be very painful and even push the person into depression. The sadness experienced after a relationship ends is a loss for the person, as in the loss of death; It has some common features such as not being able to see the person again and not being able to realize the dreams for the future. How the relationship ended during the separation process, the importance of the relationship for the person, whether the person was separated or abandoned, the investment made in the relationship, being married or single, and the length of the relationship are among the factors that affect the recovery process.
What Should Be Done After Separation? What Should Not Be Done?
After a relationship ends, sometimes people; There is a desire to blame the other party unnecessarily and to declare a scapegoat for the separation that results from a relationship that does not go well. It should not be forgotten that two good people coming together is not always enough for a perfect relationship, the relationship that ends does not make the person's character bad, it just means that being good is not enough for the relationship. Therefore, instead of blaming the other party, one should be able to think, "I am also a good person, he is also a good person, but being a good person for this relationship is not the key to the right relationship."
Do not postpone your grief. One of the biggest mistakes made after a breakup is to ignore what happened, not to cry even if you want to cry, and covering it up and acting like nothing happened. This is like a child hitting his foot on the table and saying "it didn't hurt, it didn't hurt" even though it hurt. If there is a mourning that needs to be mourned, it should be mourned. Every unkept grief, every suppressed emotion, sadness and anger expresses itself somatically. For example, a person who has been deceived or abandoned may ask, "Why should I mourn him? Am I going to feel sorry for him since he left me?" he says. However, the emotion that needs to be experienced is not for the person, but for the relationship. Mourning is also very important for accepting the fact of separation and the lessons to be learned from the relationship.
Starting a new relationship immediately is one of the most common mistakes. New relationship immediately after breakup People who start grief are usually people who are not strong enough to handle the grieving and acceptance process. A person thinks that a new relationship will make you forget the old one, as the saying goes, "it takes the nail out." This behavior is like thinking that a bleeding wound that will not heal without surgery will heal by covering it with a band-aid.
Even to plant a crop in the field, there is a fallow period, the purpose of which is to rest the soil, not to mix the new product with the old product, and to produce the new product with high quality. is to make. The emotions, behaviors and problems of the past relationship suppressed by the person who has not been mourned, who has not learned the lessons to be learned from the past relationship, who has not analyzed the relationship that ended, who has not questioned his role in the relationship, who has not examined the ways of maintaining the relationship and problem solving, and who has not given himself time to start a new relationship, can be transferred to different people. It is likely that he will appear again in the future.
Sending messages, calling, and following social media accounts after the breakup are among the factors that prolong the mourning process of a person. Sometimes one wants to remain friends; It is not possible to remain friends with the person for whom you feel intense feelings, and it makes it difficult to get over the pain of separation. It is important to decide this when the emotions cool down, the mourning process is completed and you do not feel any emotion such as anger, resentment or love when you see that person.
Mourning after the end of the relationship requires experiencing the pain, anger and emotions that need to be experienced, but this process is necessary. Extending it too long causes a separate problem. Sometimes a person cannot confront himself about the relationship that has ended because he believes that the partner he broke up with will come back, sometimes because it is difficult to start a new relationship. People who cannot accept that the separation is over have difficulty in completing the mourning process and sometimes this situation can lead to depression.
Do not hesitate to share the sadness you are experiencing. . Some people do not want to share their situation with anyone, they fear that if they share it, people will appear weak or face the attitude of "Are you still thinking about him?" Instead of going through this process alone, sharing it with people you trust, who will listen to you and support you, will help you get through the process more easily. It is important.
People who cannot cope with the sadness they experience sometimes find themselves overeating or cutting off food, sometimes spending the whole day sleeping with the thought of "If I sleep, this pain will go away", or not being able to sleep all night or using harmful substances such as alcohol or substances. It directs them to numb their thoughts with substances. They may avoid doing the social activities they used to do and withdraw into themselves. It should be known that these situations will do nothing but suppress the process and will not make you forget.
Remember that you need time after a relationship ends. It is a duty that life gives you to experience this situation, learn the lessons that need to be learned, analyze the relationship, realize what you did in your old relationship and why, and not carry the old mistakes into the new relationship, and it is a chance to restructure your life, get to know yourself better, see and realize your shortcomings and mistakes. Remember that . If you cannot cope with all these processes on your own and this situation causes deterioration in your social, work, education and career areas, it is very important to receive psychological support in terms of accepting a healthy separation.
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