The steps taken to improve the situation when an argument is a problem are called repair attempts. Attempts to repair determine whether the relationship will survive. Think about it, what would happen to relationships if no one took action after arguments? Of course, problems in relationships become permanent and after a while, the couple enters a vicious circle and begins to have insurmountable problems. However, when repair attempts are made after discussions, the attempting partner makes the other partner's blood pressure and pulse decrease. Thus, the partners calm down and the blood pressure drops enough for the mind to prevail. It becomes easier to end the discussion constructively. So what are the repair attempts in relationships that have changed the course of arguments?
1- Agree
Admit that your partner is right to some extent. No one is 100% right or wrong. There are points where you and your partner are right and wrong about the subject you are discussing, find the points where your partner is right and give him the right.
2- Problem
Ask your partner what he feels and thinks. This creates a positive feeling between you as it shows that you want to understand him. At the same time, you will know exactly what is bothering him, and you will avoid misunderstandings.
3- Apply humor
For example, you forgot to put gas in your car and your wife complains about it too. I thought the car was electric", humor relaxes people, but things that contain contempt and sarcasm are not helpful.
4- Show love and attention.
Although it seems impossible in discussions, physical/ verbally expressing your love changes the course of the discussion. Of course, a word or physical contact made to gloss over the subject does not have any effect.
What I'm trying to tell you is not saying I love you suddenly or kissing you.
For example, when you see your partner's upset while arguing, you can hold his hand and hug him. . Context is important :)
5- Understand
Empathize and express this to your partner.
6- Take responsibility
What you're in conflict with accept your share. "I don't care if I act this way. I didn't expect it to affect it like that. I'll take that into consideration"
7- Open yourself up
Express yourself, your wishes and thoughts clearly, without waiting for your partner to understand you in conflicts.
If the couple does not try, the couple may have entered a vicious circle, at this point you may consider getting couples therapy.
Healthy relationships,
•Family Counselor Melis Keskin
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