In our social life, we sometimes think that the self-confidence in children is that the child can do whatever he wants anywhere, say whatever he wants, in short, he can or should behave in any way he wants. For this reason, low or high self-confidence often becomes a confusing concept in both adults and children. Self-confidence in children begins at birth and is a lifelong phenomenon. Children first begin to gain self-confidence by observing their parents. If the mother or father or both have low self-confidence, this will negatively affect children's self-confidence, as they will learn by observing.
How do we know if children have low self-confidence?
If your child hesitates to enter crowded environments, refrains from communicating with his peers, avoids answering very simple questions about himself in his social life, does not want to speak in class, does not want to answer questions even though he knows the answers, stops doing things he can do well without sharing the reason with you, outside the home. There may be many reasons, such as if he avoids doing the small responsibilities you give him, if he stays silent when he has a problem at school and does not contact his teacher or friends to solve his problem. If you cannot find a reason at all then please consult a mental health professional. Because in such uncertain situations, there may be very different reasons behind the lack of self-confidence.
Sometimes, the fact that the child has high self-confidence and that the child can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, however he wants in society, become two very confusing situations. Sometimes, mothers and fathers give unlimited freedom to their children in the name of allowing them to experience and have the things they could not experience in their own childhood or the rights they did not have, but while doing all this, they also overlook this detail. Children should not be raised without rules. These rules are of course punitive, strict, etc. Not rules like that. What is meant here are the rules we must follow in society. Almost everyone has an answer to the question Why should we set rules for children? after. Countless things can be said, but the answer is actually very simple: We should set rules for children because they are children. This detail is often overlooked. For children in this situation, we can think of how high their self-confidence is, but in fact, this situation has nothing to do with the level of self-confidence. Later, when it comes to adolescence, parents begin to notice this distinction more clearly.
So how can we support children's self-confidence correctly?
Your child is above all else. If you think that you have a lack of self-confidence due to things mentioned or for which we do not know the reason, you must first find out whether the reasons you are aware of are due to you. If you, as parents, think that there is a problem caused by your upbringing style, you must first confront it. For example, if you have not given your child the right to speak from an early age, if you have always tried to silence your child in discussions, knowingly or unknowingly, or if you have been a very oppressive, overly authoritarian mother or father, then this low self-confidence is not a big surprise for the child. Try to talk to your child about the reasons you found calmly, without judgment. Give him the opportunity to express himself comfortably. If this situation does not occur in the family environment, but rather occurs in the child's social life, then again, by discussing the reasons, you can ensure that he/she participates in activities that he/she can do more collectively, but while doing this, it should not be an activity that the child would not want. You should support him/her to focus on the areas that interest him/her.
Remember that, as adults, changing a feature we do not like about ourselves will not be as easy as it seems. For this reason, give your child the opportunity to change and be sure to approach it with patience.
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