Before the child is born, parents should attach great importance to preparing the foundation for raising a child, like a builder preparing to build a building. The soundness of the foundation means the soundness of the relationship.
Pre-Child
How is sexuality going? Do they agree on making money, spending money, saving money? Are the behaviors that show that they are devoted to each other's happiness concretely evident? Have they created an environment for their own cognitive and spiritual development? Do they learn each other's love languages and communicate using this language?
Is there personal integrity, balance, service, entrepreneurship, solidarity, the value of each other and honor in their lives?
Before marriage, they were separated as individuals. Has the vision they had weakened or strengthened after marriage? Has a common "family vision" begun to develop?
All of these need to be discussed and clarified before the child is born. If the marriage develops within the You-I understanding, if small "I's" dominate the relationship, people will be in constant conflict. and the relationship will become increasingly negative over time and lose its health. The child born in an unhealthy relationship will join the army of stereotyped adult children and be thrown into society to honk the horn behind stalled cars.
If the marriage develops in WE Consciousness, the big "I Am" If people dominate the relationship, people will constantly share, the relationship will develop and be healthier. The child born in a healthy relationship will join society as a developing mature person and take the leadership of his own life, making positive contributions to his family, workplace and society in every aspect of life.
The couple who creates a solid foundation in these matters is ready to raise children, just as the builder who creates a solid foundation is ready to build the building.
Child Raising
The relationship between husband and wife is the basis of the family. If this foundation is healthy, all other functions of the family will be healthy. Some problems may occur for a while, but over time these problems will disappear, and the healthy relationship at the basis of the family will leave its mark on everything.
If the relationship between husband and wife is unhealthy, eventually this unhealthy will affect your family. It will negatively affect the economic conditions, child-raising, human relations, in short, every aspect of the family.
Seven Basic Family Needs;
When raising children, the seven basic needs of the family should be known.
> 1-The feeling of being valued
2-An environment of trust
3-The feeling of closeness and solidarity
4-Sense of responsibility
5-Learning to overcome difficulties by struggling with them
6-An environment of happiness and self-realization
7-An environment of establishing the foundations of a healthy spiritual life
After the Child >
It is natural for children to establish their own families and lives after they grow up. After the children leave home, husband and wife will be alone again. If the basic relationship remains within the You-I understanding, when the children leave home, husband and wife will begin to control each other. Naturally, this will eliminate a fluent, lively, enthusiastic and loving communication. At the end of the years, two sullen, angry, unhappy old people will continue to make life hell for each other in the same house.
Two people who have reached We Consciousness will continue to say to each other, "You are here, you have limits and responsibilities," more sincerely and warmly, with years of experience and memories, after the children leave home.
SOURCE : Cüceloğlu, Doğan, Us Inside Us, 2011, pp.131-13
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