For this reason, we discuss the issue of mischief at pudra.com: Why do children misbehave? To what extent should we accept this as normal? When should we get psychologist support? Is it right to punish the child? Psychologist Berna Akpınar explains all the issues we wonder about the problem of naughtiness in children...
Reasons for naughtiness in children?
The main reason for naughtiness in children is the inconsistent behavior of the family. The child gets angry when he behaves undesirably, but it is thought that this is due to the child's character. In fact, family has great importance in shaping the child's character. Because the family's attitude is wrong, undesirable behaviors are observed in the child.
Some behaviors that we call naughty are behaviors in which the child becomes aggressive. Behaviors such as breaking, hitting and pushing are the child's aggression directed outside. Additionally, the problem of insecurity between parents and the child may cause the child to behave aggressively. When the child was young, he could not experience a secure attachment with his mother and father, and this problem progresses throughout the developmental periods.
Working parents generally send their children to nursery. Children exhibit behaviors such as 'I don't want to come to school, I don't want to eat'. For this reason, especially mothers begin to show negative attention to the child. Negative attention shown as "Why are you doing this, you make me sad?" becomes the attention that the child wants to receive because he cannot receive positive attention. He/she continues his behavior to get attention, even if it is negative.
In what situations can the child be more naughty?
If one of the parents is not with him, if he works in a remote workplace, if he is abroad or if he is away from the parents. If the child does not see him/her much because someone always comes home late, he/she may get into mischief.
The absence of some adults, such as grandparents, in separate families can also have a bad effect on children. The child feels lonely and may manifest this as an external attack. Or, on the contrary, it may show behavior such as nail biting or thumb sucking as an internal attack.
Especially in divorced couples, the child sees one of his parents less often. He misbehaves by trying to attract attention. In families with oppressive attitudes at home, children are more likely to misbehave.
How should we talk to a child who misbehaves?
He is an older adult with children over the age of 6. You have the chance to speak and explain like this. But no matter how clearly you explain it when they are younger, some things remain very abstract for children.
In this case, telling stories to children makes communication easier and allows them to understand more quickly. For example, you can make up a story about a misbehaving child. You can also explain the consequences of this story to the child and convey to him through the story that he should not behave in ways that are considered naughty. You should never directly describe his behavior as "This behavior you are doing is very wrong." It is better to tell your child indirectly by showing that the child in the story is not happy as a result of his actions.
Children understand everything
It would be wrong to think that children do not understand anything. Children hear everything and do not forget. It is necessary to explain everything to them in a clear and simple language, without leaving any question marks in their minds.
To what extent is naughtiness in children considered normal?
Behaviors that we perceive as naughtiness are actually appropriate for children's age. It's because of their behavior. They are constantly trying to discover something. It must be admitted that the behaviors that we adults describe as naughty are very normal for children at certain ages.
Children between the ages of 4-6 begin to learn social rules and go to school after the age of 6. During this period, the behaviors we call mischievous should decrease. If it does not decrease during this period, assistance can be sought. If the child continues to misbehave, the family actually has a problem and cannot cope with the child and his behavior. The family is most likely exhibiting inconsistent behavior.
Is it right to punish a misbehaving child?
The child should never be punished. Since punishment is a negative factor in education, the consequences of punishment are also negative.
Parents n Giving the child the message that a punishment will be applied after his/her behavior, such as 'You will not be able to do this because you did this', does not create a positive result. First, it should be explained to the child that what he is doing is undesirable and bad behavior. For example, if the child knows in advance that he will not be able to watch his favorite program because he broke something, he will make the choice himself and will not break anything if he wants to watch the program. Punishing after the behavior does not help you achieve anything.
What kind of behavioral disorders are caused by misbehavior?
Psychological problems after the child misbehaves may come. The child begins to seek pleasure after negative attention, and even if he/she attracts attention through mischief, the feeling of pleasure may be missing. This may be due to the absence of one of the parents to whom the child is attached or not feeling well at home.
Thumb sucking, nail biting, masturbation
At this point, the most important pleasure point of children is It is a thumb sucking behavior that is considered normal until the age of 1, sometimes continues until the age of 3, but it is unhealthy to continue at later ages.
The child may start biting nails and even masturbate. If the child continues to do so after discovering his sexual organ and realizing that he gets pleasure, it is an indication that something is missing in the child and that the child is trying to compensate for this deficiency. This may be caused especially by the absence of one of the parents and the feeling of longing.
Is it necessary to take a naughty child to a psychologist?
If your child's symptoms of naughtiness continue after the age of 4-6, you should definitely consult a specialist. The specialist will first listen to you and your child as a family, then work with you separately as their parents, and finally listen to you and your child together and try to find solutions. If the family is very inconsistent and leaves the child free to behave as he wishes, The family is asked to change their attitude.
In this case, what the family needs to do is to clearly explain to the child what they will do during the day. It is necessary to give the child the right to choose by telling him in advance what will happen as a result of whatever behavior he does. so on The child will both make his/her decision and feel like an adult by taking responsibility. In this way, he will be observed to get rid of his naughty behavior and behave like an adult as he is appreciated.
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