One of the common problems encountered in our society in marriage and couple counseling is the excessive involvement of root families in the institution of marriage and the lack of boundaries set by at least one of the partners. If the other partner holds back when it comes to sharing his/her feelings and thoughts, or if he experiences that he is not understood or heard, especially by his partner, when he shares, things can get into trouble. Fatigue, boredom, intimidation and depression emerge for months and years. It is wearing out from the inside.
Tragically, many couples do not have any problems between themselves other than the family of origin problem. Even if the basic relationship needs such as sexuality, love bond and trust are met, the excessive and disproportionate involvement of one of the partners' family in the marriage, pressure, demand for control and guidance (even if the intentions are good!) leads to the formation of defects between the couples and many negative emotions, arguments, unresolved problems. It creates problems.
I generally observe that men are insufficient to set boundaries between themselves and their families. No matter how hard his wife tries to show him and explain him, I can see that he can't resist, ignores, glosses over, and approaches like "you're misunderstanding, you're exaggerating". At this point, the partner complaining about this problem should definitely not try to solve this issue alone, and should give up trying to change his partner's ideas on this issue. Because things are getting more complicated.
On the other hand, an individual who has the impression that his/her spouse is too involved with his family should also question his own past family life. Doing this alone would be inadequate in terms of being objective. As can be seen, there is no single right or ideal. The important thing is to bring the couples together at a balance, a middle point, at a point that will not cause trouble for either party.
The root family problem is a common and resistant problem. It is a problem that can be solved with an appropriate approach, a good understanding of the process and ultimately solution-oriented steps.
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