We call the elements that we can control in daily life as elements within our control area. For example; We are in control of our job, our spouse, the city we live in and our level of education. Unfortunately, we cannot change the factors beyond our control on our own. The weather, the economic crisis, wars, what others do and talk and think are beyond our control. So, when you look at your daily life, which area do you spend most of your energy on? Out of control? Or is it within your control area? So, which area mostly constitutes the content of your speaking area? Unfortunately, most people tend to be out of control. Instead of focusing on his own control area, his own abilities, competencies, and what he can control, he focuses on not being able to control, and as a result, he experiences serious stress and begins to feel learned helplessness. So why do we concentrate our energy? Because that's the easy part, we don't have to change ourselves. It is easier to say 'They are guilty, they are wrong'. In fact, it is a kind of taking away the responsibility of our lives. So what do people who focus on the out-of-control area do? People with this idea attribute everything to fate, fate and luck. Let's say he had a problem with something, what is the reason? He constantly finds excuses such as 'Kismet, fate, my manager discriminates, I didn't have any opportunities'. In other words, they tend to attribute the causes of their problems to external factors. They stop fighting because they believe they can't change anything. Because they cannot solve the problem, they push themselves into learned helplessness. So how do we resolve this? What can I solve within myself? What part of this job is about me? First of all, we should question these and pay attention to them.
REGULING OUR INNER VOICE: One of the factors that causes stress is our own inner voice. Our inner voice; These are the conversations we give to ourselves. You know, that aunt, uncle or any other person inside us who constantly talks, that person is our inner voice. Take a look at our inner voice, is it more judgmental and negative discourse? Or more positive statements? The results of the research show that people's inner voices are more judgmental and negative, which indicates that the person is exposed to more stress. It works. For example, imagine that you have made a mistake at work, then your inner voice comes into play and says, "How could you make such a mistake? Is it good for you?" So who is this talking aunt? If you pay attention, your inner voice is usually judging and criticizing yourself. Well, mostly these are the statements of the people who raised you. These people may be your mother, father and teacher. You will realize that you are telling yourself the discourses that you perceived as authority in your childhood and that they used. The way your mother and father approach you determines the way you approach yourself. In other words, if you constantly hear and are constantly exposed to certain patterns of discourse that judge and limit you during your childhood, you may find yourself judging and questioning yourself in some way during your adulthood and adolescence. We are not as cruel to others as we are to ourselves. In such situations, calm down and try to evaluate how innocent this word is and how true it is. Where does the origin of this word come from? Who told me this? Once you recognize the critical inner voice, talk to it if necessary, give it a name, and please show yourself self-compassion, that is, please be kind to yourself.
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