Divorce is undoubtedly one of the most traumatic events that can happen to children. However, the fact that divorce will seriously affect their development depends on a few factors.
The first of these factors is; What are the changes that may occur in the child's relationship with his parents? In other words; Will your child
– lose his/her parents? Will he not be able to see his mother or father anymore?
– who will he live with?
– will his mother and/or father be more angry now? Or will his mother/father now allow him to do many things he wants, will he do many things he wants?
– will his mother and father ever talk again?
– will the three of them ever be able to come together again? ? It will be shaped according to the answers to many questions such as.
Another element is what changes will occur in the child's daily life. For example; the house he lives in, the school he goes to, his belongings, the shuttle he takes, his circle of friends, etc. Will it change?
Divorce does not necessarily have to be a damaging situation. The important thing is that you, the parents, can continue to pay more attention to your children and approach them consistently during the divorce process.
You and your children's other parent will always be the most important people in their lives. For this reason, the biggest disaster that can happen to them is to experience the feeling of losing their mother or father from their life. In other words, succeeding in not divorcing your children while divorcing your spouse will be your most important step to prevent your children from being damaged and growing up as problem children.
During the divorce process, the family order and commitment in family relationships (mother, father, pet) will change. Anxiety, fear of abandonment, and worry that one's parents will turn against each other lead to stress. If the negative statements or accusations made by family elders or acquaintances on behalf of the other parent are added to this, permanent damage, which we call trauma, begins to develop in children.
Another important issue that should not be forgotten is this: A child's negative attitudes attributed to his/her parents begin to develop. perceives the expression/labeling in relation to itself. In other words, “if I were a valuable person, my With the perception that "my mother/father would not be such a person," low self-confidence and feelings of worthlessness begin to form permanently. The damage they may cause will be reflected in every aspect of your child's life.
Divorced parents' ability to manage this difficult period will make it easier for their children to cope with these stress factors in their lives and adapt to the changes related to divorce.
In this context, some of the things you need to do will be:
1. Explaining divorce from your child's perspective. Being able to convey to your child what divorce means within the circumstances specific to your divorce...
2. Being able to concretely explain how divorce will affect them according to their age (who will they stay with, where will they live, will their school change? etc.)…
3. Believing that you will continue to live happily with the other parent and supporting the other parent and your child in this regard…
4. Do not use negative words or expressions towards the other parent…
5. Do not have a negative verbal or behavioral experience with the other parent in front of your child…
6. Cooperating with your ex-spouse on matters related to children…
7. Expressing that your children will be loved and cared for in the best way at all times and under all circumstances, and continuing to act in this direction…
8. You should encourage your children to ask for help from other people and experts they trust around them and to share this issue.
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