Self-confidence (Self-Esteem) is a concept related to how a person finds himself, whether he is satisfied with himself or not, whether he finds himself physically and psychologically sufficient, strong, important, successful and healthy after his evaluation of himself. Being satisfied with oneself is an indication of high self-esteem and self-confidence. A person's self-confidence is of great importance both in his inner world, in interpersonal relationships and in business life. Self-esteem (self-confidence) is the most important psychological feature in determining how a person will establish relationships with other people, his position and power in the relationship. There is no such thing as a person not having self-confidence. There is only a situation defined as having low and high self-confidence.
HOW IS THE FEELING OF SELF-CONFIDENCE CREATED?
From the moment we are born, we exhibit certain behaviors, consciously or unconsciously, and we all We receive feedback about our behavior from people around us, especially our family. Other people serve as mirrors for us. During the growth phase, the child evaluates the reactions he receives from the environment to every behavior he does and reaches a conclusion about what he did and whether it was good or bad. If, after the child exhibits a behavior, the people around him smile at him, appreciate him, show him respect and love, approve and like his behavior, the child will feel that he has achieved something good and that he is someone who does and achieves good things, and will develop a belief that he is valuable and sufficient. . However, on the contrary, if the child exhibits a behavior and the people around him constantly get angry at him, shout at him, criticize him, or even punish him for the things he has done, the child will feel like he is a bad, inadequate person and will begin to believe that he is inadequate, incompetent, and even deserves to be punished. For example, if a child shows his drawing to his father and asks, "Dad, look how my picture turned out" and his father says it is very beautiful, the child will think that he is a successful and talented person. Or, on the contrary, being compared to someone who says that they are not beautiful and that your brother paints better than you. The child will see himself as inadequate and inferior to others. By repeating such situations many times, the child will begin to see himself as inadequate and will stop doing other things, making himself feel worthless for fear of making mistakes and being criticized.
Those who were emotionally, sexually or physically abused during childhood Individuals whose needs are not adequately met, whose family's expectations are high, who get sick frequently or who have chronic health problems, have lower self-esteem.
People who are criticized, whose positive things are devalued or ignored, who are frequently punished, who are hindered in their behavior. People have lower self-confidence.
Self-confidence is a condition that can develop when a person tries to do something and experiences a sense of success. Some parents do not treat their children badly, but they show overprotective behavior and try to do everything for the child. A child who does nothing on his own will either have less self-confidence or a feeling of empty self-confidence because he cannot overcome difficulties and experience the feeling of success. Individuals with a low sense of self-confidence experience serious difficulties when they grow up and enter social or business life, and they need intense help from those around them. In such cases, dependent personality traits are also frequently observed.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE IDEAL SELF AND THE REAL SELF
An ideal self that everyone creates in their head (inner world) and There is a desire to be loved unconditionally by others. During the growth process, when the child behaves in his natural state, if the people around him react negatively, he moves away from his natural behavior and begins to behave as the environment demands in order to gain love and attention. However, in this case, the person creates a self that is "not me" because he suppresses his true feelings, desires and behaviors. As the difference between the self presented (shown to other people) and the ideal self grows, the person becomes unhappy. These individuals are more prone to depression and anxiety disorders such as social phobia.
SYMPTOMS OF LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE
Difficulty making decisions.
Frequent attention to others. feeling the need.
Inability to take risks for themselves.
Inability to set limits in relationships.
Being used by others, inability to say no.
Avoiding social environments. , do not hesitate to speak or present.
Not being able to express your opinion, believing that if you do, it will not be approved or humiliated.
Shame, guilt, feeling of being unloved.
Being sensitive to criticism. .
Exhibiting some symptoms of depression, pessimism.
Withdrawal, being asocial.
Evaluating oneself as inadequate, unsuccessful, worthless, incompetent.
Disliking one's physical appearance.
Ignoring positive and successful aspects.
Easily and highly negatively affected by events, quickly falling into despair.
Instead of being rejected by other people. , do not believe that you are not cared for.
Do not have low expectations.
HOW TO REMEDY LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE (TREATMENT OF LACK OF SELF-CONFIDENCE)
Self-esteem is an individual's personality. Since it is a feature directly related to its structure, expert intervention is required to develop it. If you really want to eliminate your lack of self-confidence. You need to get support from an expert psychologist. There are many different psychotherapy methods used to eliminate lack of self-confidence or increase your self-confidence. Among these, the two most prominent therapy approaches are cognitive behavioral psychotherapy and dynamically oriented psychotherapy.
In cognitive behavioral psychotherapy, the person's way of perceiving the world, himself and other people is reconsidered and the aim is for the person to look at events more rationally. Following this process, the self-concept is restructured by intervening in past life events by considering how the perceptions that affect the person's present were formed in the past. In the dynamic psychotherapy method, the person's experiences from past to present, repetitive behavior and event cycles are reconsidered and arranged.
In addition, you can improve your self-confidence or become a person with higher self-confidence through methods that do not have a scientific basis such as life coaching, hypnosis, and NLP. I would like to point out that it is important to stay away from people who say this.
Finally, the most effective and realistic way to increase self-confidence is Even though there is psychological support and psychotherapy, some small suggestions can help in this regard.
Discover your positive sides.
Make a list of the things you have achieved in life.
What is important to you in life. Identify the things and goals you want to achieve and research ways to achieve them.
Capture your negative self-talk and replace it with positive ones.
To achieve your goals, start by dividing the process into small steps.
Adjust your appearance. , pay attention to your clothing.
Remember, as your self-confidence increases, you will not succeed, but the more you do and succeed, the more your self-confidence will increase.
Sit upright.
Stop being perfect.
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Find hobbies and new friends
Stop complaining and criticizing yourself.
Accept positive feedback.
More with people who support you. spend a lot of time
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