Anger is primarily our protection shield, designed to protect our ego boundaries and physical boundaries, unconsciously put into effect by our lower brain. It cannot be destroyed, but it can be controlled. Like anxiety, anger; They are the strongest and most compelling horses of our motivation. Anger contains an energy like the energy of water. How uncontrolled water; Water that can be controlled if it causes raids, floods, erosions and landslides; It leads to beauties that increase our quality of life, such as farms, dams and electricity.
Anger, when expressed appropriately, is an extremely healthy and natural emotion. However, if it gets out of control and turns destructive, it causes problems in school and work life, personal relationships and general quality of life. Anger is at the root of many personal and social problems (for example, child neglect and abuse, domestic violence, physical or verbal aggression, social violence). Anger emerges with some external and internal events. Just as you may be angry with a particular person, such as your friend, your brother, a man on the street, or your teacher; You may also become angry about events such as traffic jams or a canceled appointment. While your own personal delusions may be responsible for your anger, memories of certain events that you have experienced before that made you angry may also be responsible. Among the reasons that usually lead to anger: frustration, injustice, physical hurt and injuries, harassment, disappointment, attack, threats. According to psychiatrists, when we get angry, 5 dimensions are interrelated and active simultaneously.
These dimensions are:
• Cognition – Our thoughts at that moment.
• Emotion – It is the physical arousal caused by anger.
• Communication – It is the way we reflect our anger to those around us. .
• Affect - The way we perceive life when we are angry. However, everything can get complicated in the face of panic and shock during disasters and atrocities. First of all, our lives have become chaotic. Know how to deal with feelings of anger We use some ways, consciously or unconsciously. These are briefly; Expression is suppression and calming. Expressing anger verbally rather than aggressively is the healthiest way for them. In order to do this, we must realize what we want and convey them clearly and in a way that will not hurt the other person. We should use I language without saying "YOU" to the other person, not dealing with the person's personality, but talking about the harm or hurt his current behavior has caused us. The answer to anger is never to remain silent, but to postpone. The second way is to suppress anger. If you keep your anger inside, try not to think about it, and direct your attention to something more positive, you are using this method. Although this works sometimes, it may not be healthy to use this method constantly. If anger cannot be expressed correctly, after a while this feeling returns to the person and can lead to problems such as high blood pressure, psycho-somatic disorders (ulcers, allergies, etc.) or depression. Or you explode like a volcano at an unexpected time and for a tiny reason, and you become wrong when you are right, you become ashamed and damaged because you cannot cope with yourself, your self-confidence drops, you imprison yourself and isolate yourself from society with the fear of losing control again. You should try to release your anger harmlessly, little by little, in a controlled manner, like releasing water from an accumulated dam lake.
Trying to calm yourself down when you experience anger is your third option. By controlling your breathing and heart rate, you can calm yourself physiologically and relieve the feeling of anger within you. Body Reactions in Anger Anger is an emotion experienced in varying intensities, from a very mild reaction to rage. Like other emotions, it is felt along with physiological and biological changes. If we know how to listen, our body will inform us that we are angry.
There are physical signs of anger:
• The stimulus activates the emotion,
• Stress and tension begins,
• Adrenaline secretion, which increases energy, increases,
• Breathing and heartbeat becomes more frequent,
• Heartbeat accelerates,
• Blood pressure increases,
• The body and mind are ready for the “fight or flight” response.
Sa Effect on Health
Experts claim that suppressed anger leads to anxiety and depression. Unexpressed anger can disrupt interpersonal relationships and lead to mental and physical problems. Among the physical problems caused by anger that is not expressed correctly:
• Headaches,
• Stomach disorders,
• Respiratory problems,
• Skin problems,
• Problems in genital and kidney functions,
• Arthritis,
• Nervous system disorders,
• Circulatory problems,
• Worsening of existing physical disorders,
• Emotional disorders,
/> • and can be considered suicide.
Is it good to release our anger?
Many people may think that letting go of their anger protects them from diseases and that other people fear and respect them more. Unfortunately, anger can take many forms in the company and the family. , wanders around. For example: gossiping, tripping, being late for work, neglecting work, etc. Psychologists have now shown that this is a very wrong and dangerous belief. Some people perceive this belief as approval to hurt other people. Research shows that "venting" the feeling of anger increases anger, rage and aggression and does nothing to solve the problem. Therefore, the best thing is to find out what triggers your anger and develop strategies to deal with these reasons without losing yourself.
Management of Anger
The purpose of anger management techniques is; It is the acquisition of the ability to express one's emotions in a non-aggressive, non-violent way that does not harm oneself or the people around them. There are many methods that teach anger management. The correct method varies from person to person. When determining the correct method; The main factors that should be taken into consideration are that the person chooses the one that suits his personality and lifestyle and that he does not feel any extra distress in his daily life while applying the chosen method. You cannot eliminate the people and events that cause anger; you cannot avoid them; you cannot change them. The only thing you can do is to control your internal and external reactions to these people or events. The key is to manage them constructively. If you sometimes lose control or are afraid that you will, you can ask for help from a psychologist.
Which Methods Prevent Your Anger from Overflowing?
Relaxation: Breathe deeply, imagine calming situations and scenes in our minds. Try to revive it by . This helps us calm down.
Here are some simple methods you can try:
Take deep breaths, filling your belly; Breathing with your upper chest will not relax you. When you breathe in and out, your abdomen should expand, not your chest.
While taking deep breaths, say to yourself over and over again, "Relax!" or “Calm down!” Make a suggestion by saying.
Imagine and try to visualize a place or environment that will relax you. Remember a place in the past where you were very calm. If you memorize these techniques by practicing every day, you can automatically apply them in tense situations you will encounter later. Changing Thoughts Angry people tend to express their thoughts by swearing and shouting. When we are angry, we often unintentionally perceive events as exaggerated and distorted. Recognize these types of thoughts and replace them with more logical ones. you might say to yourself, “Oh no, everything is ruined!” Instead of saying something like, “It's not the end of the world, and just because I'm angry about it now won't make it not happen.” you can say. Try running both thoughts through your mind. See which thought increases or decreases your anger. Try to catch in your mind words such as “never” or “always” that we use very often without realizing it and which prepare us for feelings of anger. “Nothing will ever get better” or “I am always the one who is wronged.” Sentences like this are quite wrong. It also makes you think that you are sane in your anger. It does not contribute to solving the problem because you are making judgments about the situation. Logic defeats anger, because even if anger is justified, it can very quickly exceed the limits of reason. So when you feel angry, seek refuge in your logic. to yourself Remind yourself that “the whole world is not trying to rip you off.” Just imagine experiencing some of life's ups and downs. Use this method whenever your anger starts to get out of control. This will help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people want everything in a demanding way, in other words, they feel entitled. This is also the case with justice, appreciation, acceptance, approval, etc. Same for. Everyone needs these values. When we cannot achieve it, we all feel sad, hurt and disappointed. But angry and angry people demand these things. When their demands are not met, their disappointment turns into a feeling of frustration, which turns into anger. While working on their thoughts and restructuring them, these people should become aware of their demanding characteristics and turn their "expectations" into "desires". In other words, for anything he wants, instead of saying, “It should be given to me” or “It should be mine,” say, “I would like it to be given to me.” They should see that it is healthier to think like this. Solving the problem Sometimes our feelings of anger may stem from real and unavoidable problems in our lives. Feelings of anger are natural and healthy emotions experienced at times like these in the face of these difficulties. The most useful attitude in such situations is; is to first investigate whether we can change the situation. If it is something we can change, solutions can be sought. If it is a situation that cannot be changed, the best thing to do is to confront the problem rather than trying to find a solution. Try to do your best, but don't punish yourself if you can't find answers or reach results right away. Better communication Angry people often tend to judge without thinking and act according to these judgments. These judgments can sometimes be very unrealistic. If you get into a very heated argument, the first thing you do is; You should slow down and observe your reactions. Don't say the first thing that comes to your mind, slow down and think about what you really want to say. At the same time, try to hear and understand what the other person is saying. Do not answer immediately. Try to understand what lies beneath your anger. People are criticized
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