When examined in depth, jealousy is an emotion closely related to the individual dynamics of the person, whose origins extend from early childhood to adolescence. It can also manifest itself as a delayed reaction to the feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness experienced in childhood. When looked at in this way, it seems that it is very related to the person's self-worth and ego strength.
The individual's reactions to jealousy and deception are controlled in the socio-cultural environment in which he lives. The individual learns to be jealous in accordance with the rules he has learned in the society he lives in. It is observed that they learn the attitude of jealousy through selective internalization of their close parents or role models.
It would be correct to ask this question about our own relationships. 'Did betrayal bring the relationship to this state, or did the relationship that didn't last open the door to betrayal?' Our attitude here should be to try to understand why this situation arose. Only the relationship damaged in this way can be improved by restructuring. Of course it should be restructured? is one of the first questions that comes to mind. This is up to individual preferences. Although many relationships end with the problem of infidelity and jealousy, couples who encounter this problem and receive help state that their relationships have become more satisfied. The reason for this is to identify problems, work on them, and change cognitive systems to provide flexibility. It will be better understood when the expectations in relationships and the factors that wear out the relationship are examined and the reasons are researched and understood.
In society, the judgment that the person who loves is jealous is passed down from generation to generation. The person experiencing jealousy can explain the intense feeling he experiences by saying "I love you". Research has shown that the connection between love and jealousy is quite low. It is very difficult to have two such strong emotions together.
When we look at people who experience intense jealousy, they claim this situation as a way of protecting and protecting their relationships. The way to preserve the relationship is through sharing, understanding and dedication. But jealous individuals try to do this by being offended, pursuing, threatening and using force. The love of the other person does not increase with threats or pressure. Loyalty is gained through love, not threats. As this pressure increases, it causes the partner to move away or drift from one lie to another to save the situation. Jealous individuals also find someone to compete with in every environment. A person sees himself as superior to someone or tends to feel inferior to someone. The problem here is not about the person with whom he will compete, but about the individual's own dynamics and his own insecurity. Even if the person defeats the rival he declared in his environment, if the internal mechanism does not change, he will find someone again and put himself into a tiring war.
When jealousy is examined, women are emotional and men are sexual. It was observed that they had more control over deception. If we talk about the causes of jealousy, first of all, individuals' self-distrust affects their inadequacy and low self-esteem and forms the basis of the feeling of jealousy. Another factor is that the person has experienced abandonment in past relationships and the situation has triggered deep feelings of insecurity in the person. These people are very afraid of being abandoned. Exposure to experiences that interrupt secure attachment is among the factors that increase this situation in individuals who grew up with caregivers who often have inconsistent outbursts and outbursts of anger.
In order to solve jealousy, they need to be aware of this feeling. It should not be forgotten that the problem in relationships lies in the reactions to jealousy rather than jealousy. These behaviors of the person, which arise as a result of his thoughts, need to be evaluated first. Jealousy is not a criterion for evaluating love. This judgment needs to be changed as soon as possible.
If you want to show that you love and are loved, it will be healthier and more satisfying to show this directly with positive attitudes, rather than through jealousy.
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