We communicate with the other person through the relationships we have established, and at the same time, we initiate a relationship with the verbal and non-verbal communication we initiate. These relationships are such as mother-child, father-
child, mother-father, mother-neighbour relationships. Observing this relationship, the child can easily understand through which bond
you are communicating with him/her.
Communication requires reciprocal relationships, requiring people to have a common understanding of the meaning of certain words, sounds, signs and gestures
. In this context, the language we use and our tone of voice
are of great importance. If we compare this importance, 55% body language, 38% tone of voice and 7% words are effective.
How Can I Communicate Effectively with My Child?
Now I will tell you about some important details in the relationship we establish with children.
1- First of all, decide correctly when to start communication. If the child is in a problem situation, never own his/her problem; he/she will definitely express himself/herself unless something very contrary happens.
2-Use the "I" language. Communicate through the child's behavior. Be perceptive, not judgmental.
3-Be empathetic. First let him describe the current situation. Then ask him what he thought about this situation and how he felt afterwards. When you do this item correctly, it will be an element that will enable your child to understand that the ability to determine the situation and to manage emotions by asking about thoughts before emotions belongs to thoughts, and will be an element that will develop self-control in your child.
4- There are three ego-selves within every human being. These are adult self, child self, parent self
states. While communicating with our child and trying to understand his/her feelings, our child ego
state comes to the fore and if it hurts him/her, it is our ego state that speaks like a child by saying "I'll kiss it so it goes away, I'll beat whoever put it there." If we are a strict and authoritarian parent, let's at least use approving, approving sentences such as "Uh-huh, yes, I understand, it must really hurt
..." etc. to show that we understand your feelings.
5 -Make sure to treat your children as desired. As a result of their behavior, you will reward them or make praising sentences
. However, I should especially point out that these sentences should have an impact on the child's behavior. Since personality begins to form at a very young age, when the child exhibits a negative behavior, praise or criticism such as "he is incompetent or you are great" may lead to shyness or overly self-confident narcissistic personality traits in the child's personality.
That's why praise should be like this; With sentences such as "I feel very happy when you act like this" or "I feel sad when you act like this", I focused on behavior, not personality, and showed a perceptive attitude rather than judging by using language. you will be.
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