“The Bond in Our Deeps”
The Attitudes of Our Attachment Styles and Schemes in Our Relationship Styles
Hello dear reader, we are happy to accompany you in the first issue of a brand new organization and we appreciate the hospitality of Beykent Psychology Club. I would like to express my gratitude to his family.
Man is a lifelong learner, developing as he learns and gaining new achievements. Let's take a closer look at the attachment styles and the effect of our schemas on our relationships, an issue whose impact on our development is too precious to be overlooked. We see styles as a process that starts from early childhood in individuals throughout the history of humanity. We come across many different experiences in our daily lives. In our social lives, we can establish successful relationships, sometimes unsuccessful. However, we may have to encounter attitudes that develop beyond what we desire. As we know, each individual is unique, in our social life, sometimes our styles from our past life stories accompany us on this journey. Let's take a closer look at the Attachment Styles and Schemas that I will talk about in this article.
It is emphasized that attachment styles have been developed in connection with the relationship established between and between the individual who is responsible for caring for himself (Bowlby, 2012). If we look at the essence of the word attachment, attachment is described as a specific emotional bond that develops and is established between more than one person (Santrock, 2019). . Individuals can be affected by their life story histories and develop different schemas. To briefly talk about schemas, we can name the patterns and sources of experience that people have from the moment they are born into the field of unlearned knowledge they have. If we focus on the blank pages of a book, we can see it as the individual filling those blank pages over time. They are emotional or cognitive patterns that are difficult to change starting from childhood (Young, 2017).
Let's come to our relationships and the attitudes we display on this journey… Throughout our lives. As of early childhood, we establish attachments and relational transfers in different ways. All these relationships we have built can be seen as our achievements, and we can get successful and unsuccessful results when appropriate. Let's take a look at the emotional relationships that each of us has gone through with failure or the opposite direction. We may experience separations, traumas or emotional breakdowns throughout our lives. We can take certain attitudes based on our own experiences. I would like to talk about attachment styles from a theoretical point of view, Ainsworth tried to reveal the differences in attachment behaviors that he presented in the early 1960s. As a result of the studies, he divided them into three different groups (Ainsworth & Blehar, 1978).
1- Secure 2- Anxious/Unstable and 3- Avoidant attachment. People in the "Secure Attachment" style have a temperament that can easily establish relationships, are open to communication, focus on sharing their feelings, have self-confidence, try to enjoy and create an environment of easy trust. People in the "Anxious Attachment" style tend to be reluctant and have hesitations about establishing new relationships. In their relationships, they usually respond to the distant feedbacks they receive from the other party with separation. “Avoidant Attachment” are models that stay away from close and new relationships, spend time alone, avoid emotional transfers, and do not show initiative to support their partners in difficult processes. another approach, for our schemas, we can consider attachment styles in a similar but separate way. The Schema Therapy school, which is included in the Cognitive Behavioral Therapies school and first introduced by Jeffrey Young, has dealt with a total of 18 schema types in 5 different areas. To put it briefly;
Area of disconnection and rejection: 1- Abandonment 2- Skepticism / Abuse 3- Emotional Deprivation 4- Flawlessness / Shame 5- Social Isolation / Alienation
Impaired Autonomy and Performance domain: 6- Dependency / Inadequacy 7- Instability 8- Attachment / immature self 9- B impeccability
Area of Injured Boundaries: 10- Righteousness / grandeur 11- Inadequate self-control
Area of directness to others: 12- Neck Inclination / withdrawal 13-Sacrifice 14- Seeking approval
Over-alertness and suppression Inhibition area: 15- Pessimism Scheme 16- Suppression of emotions / over-responsibility 17- High / brutal standards and excessive criticism 18- We can talk about punitive / cruelty schemes. You can also look at these schemas (Rafaeli, Berstein, & Young , 2012).
As we can see, we clearly see that schema and attachment styles have a direct effect on human nature. So far we have been able to examine them a little. Well, if we consider Attachment and Schemes, how can we come to a conclusion, if you want, let's clarify this two in one way. According to Bowlby, early childhood has shown to be “internalized with internal working models or schemas related to the self and relationships with other people. Irregular-regular attachment attitudes within attachment styles can be examined. Young, on the other hand, argues that avoidant or anxious attachment styles are seen because the emotional needs in the early period are not fully met (Soygüt & Çakır , 2009). People can exhibit some attitudes according to their schemas and attachment styles, and I would like to present them to you with a few examples. In individuals who have shown rejection and cold attitudes by their parents, they may choose schemas such as being safe / belonging. According to the schema types, individuals who exhibit the Abandoned / insecurity type can generally find people who are accepted as safe by the society attractive. But these people think that they will always be deceived. People with the authoritarian/great schema do not take care of other people's needs other than themselves, they prioritize their own well-being. Basically, we cannot ignore the direct effect of both styles on us.
And dear reader, we want to share a few things about how we can manage our relationship styles; According to Young, there are three methods of dealing with schemas. Schema Submitters fear and the aspects of struggle that he thinks will increase his taboos more. It can be said to be a kind of confrontation with their fears. Second, people who want to engage in Schema Avoidance exhibit attitudes that distract from their fears. Thirdly, those who use the Schema Extreme type do the opposite of what the person with the negative schema type thinks. Attachment styles initiated by Bowlby can be changed over time and even reach levels that can be actively benefited in life. So what are the methods to improve our style? It is necessary to develop the self-compassion aspect generally observed in anxious and avoidant individuals. For this, focus on the negative inner voices of individuals, direct your respect for others and yourself, take risks for new bonds and expand your safe zone (Carter, J D & ark, 2013).
What about you? What type came to life in you? If we can focus on our past experiences, we may have hosted more than one scheme or style from time to time. Sometimes during these processes, we can exhibit attitudes that we do not expect or involuntarily. The important thing is to integrate these attitudes into our social life correctly.
In order to be an exemplary model, I would like not to ignore new fields, talents and external channels. Let's improve these aspects we have together and make them more comfortable. Long story short, individuals will be able to reach the right result if they want and feel ready to take new challenges during the treatment process. Let's not forget that all the solution methods are hidden within ourselves, we have no doubt that you will choose the best way if desired. Do not hesitate to take on new challenges and develop further under the umbrella of decision and consistency.
See you soon, stay healthy…
Read: 0
