Grief is a natural and universal reaction felt and occurring after the loss of a loved one. Mourning is felt with the same intensity and depth in every language and culture. The mourning process usually occurs after the death of a loved one, but the loss of any loved object or person from our lives, even for non-death reasons, can lead to a mourning process.
The loss of a loved one, especially the loss of a parent or child, causes us to grieve at a serious level. The process we call pathological mourning occurs after such losses. Knowing the difference between normal grief and pathological grief helps us go through a healthy mourning process and prevent grief from causing other psychological problems.
How to Differentiate between Normal Grief and Pathological Grief
In order to understand pathological grief, it is necessary to understand normal grief. In general, the normal grief reaction is observed as follows;
1) Shock and denial: It is the period of shock and numbness experienced immediately after the loss. Denial and disbelief are observed in this period.
2) Anger and rebellion: In this period, longing for the loser manifests itself with anger, the person looks for what he lost everywhere.
3) Bargaining: In this period, the person attempts to bargain in line with his beliefs. At this stage, the basic thought is "I will accept what happened to me, but I have some conditions." Now the loss has begun to be accepted and the conditions of life after the loss have begun to be reviewed.
4) Depression: The person may feel like he is in a big void. Mood irregularities, feelings of loneliness, and alienation from the social environment may be observed. However, crying, appetite disorders, and inability to function as before the loss may be observed.
5) Acceptance: The person accepts the loss and returns to his old life.
The Grieving Process is a Normal Process That Must Be Completed.
Secondary mental and physical problems may develop in people who cannot go through the normal mourning process. Social denial of the loss, emergence of physical complaints related to the last illness of the deceased and applying to non-psychiatric physicians for these reasons, disorder in social environment relations, giving emotionally dull reactions, indecision or wrong decisions regarding business and social life, hiding the belongings of the deceased, frequent I go to the grave e, crying while talking about issues related to the deceased and the continuation of these troubles for 6 months suggest "pathological (non-normal / morbid) mourning". In general, the situation that distinguishes pathological mourning from normal mourning is that the person experiences mourning for longer than expected. and these grief reactions are at a level that is not considered normal in the culture we live in. Pathological mourning; It is the presence of excessive guilt and self-blame, a feeling of worthlessness, the inability to maintain the necessities of life for a long time, and even suicidal thoughts. These are not symptoms of a normal mourning process and usually require treatment.
How Can We Get Through the Grief Process Healthily?
- Explaining feelings such as loneliness, anger and sadness openly and honestly. Discuss it with your friends, family, and relatives.
- Keep hope.
- If your religious beliefs are important to you, talk to a religious person about your beliefs and feelings.
- Join a support group where you can share your experiences with your loss.
- Take care of yourself, take care of your body, eat a balanced diet and rest well.
- Be patient with yourself, healing takes time, some days will be bad and some will be good.
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