“To deserve love and compassion, I must suffer. / Love and compassion come out where the pain is”
Is it really so?
As a child, the table would be guilty when we bumped into the table, so we learned to get angry at the one who hurt us and to hurt in response.
We had a stomachache, this time the culprit was the candy we ate, so we were the ones who ate it.
Every pain had a culprit. It should have happened.
Emotions in childhood are modeled in the mind with life experiences.
Although love and compassion are called positive emotions, experiences can be interpreted as “To deserve love and compassion, I must suffer. / Love and compassion arise where there is pain”. This learning makes it open to being drawn into manipulative relationships in the following years.
In some houses, it is not time to share emotions in the atmosphere of the house and to meet emotional needs. It becomes difficult for people who grow up in these houses to notice the emotional danger signals and to hear the “wise inner voice” that knows what they want. Behaviors are shaped by the external environment. Dile "I don't know what I want/ I can't find what I want." His sentences are trapped in a settling loop.
There is something that needs to be said out loud here. No matter how deep or quiet the voice inside you that tells you that something is wrong, you must listen. It's not wrong, it's not unfair, it just wants to be heard. I know; The tunnel is dark, scary but worth seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. You don't need to struggle or suffer to deserve love and compassion. Your existence is sufficient as it is.
There are people and relationships in this world who touch pain and sadness with compassion. As long as we are compassionate in our relationship with ourselves. Let's learn so that we know what to look for compassion. Sometimes a child playing in the park, sometimes people we meet on the road, sometimes a very close friend, sometimes a neighbor.
You just try to reconstruct your own need and definition of compassion..