I have been in the same position at the company I work for for five years. Getting promoted is very important to me, but every time I get an opportunity I fail to take advantage of it. I'm afraid to take a step. A week ago, my boss gave me a job that he specifically wanted me to finish. At first I thought I could do it, but after a while, I realized that I couldn't succeed. Therefore, I asked him to appoint another friend to help me or to give the job to someone else as is.
So the result is still the same... However, which hurts me to see others move on. I feel like an idiot most of the time. My only consolation is that my wife is successful in her job… In fact, she is successful not only at work but in many areas. He works for another company. It has come a long way in the last few years. He supports me and tells me I shouldn't give up. I told him about the conversation I had with my boss last night. At this moment, a memory I had with my mother when I was 10 years old came to my mind. I'm playing with my friends on the street, I think it's spring. We started playing ball, taking advantage of the warm weather. Everything was so enjoyable. For a moment I realized that my mother was calling me. I'm thinking, what happened, what did I do again? I remember him greeting me with his sullen face at the door of the house. The neighbor aunt's son got high marks in mathematics again. He tells me how stupid I am.His words "There is no food in this house for those who fail"still ring in my ears today...
You find yourself unsuccessful and inadequate compared to others around you, the tasks you will take on and the things you will do. If you are avoiding the steps with the anxiety of failure, one of the reasons for this experience is the"failure" schema...
This schema offers you painful experiences. You may often find yourself accusing yourself of being stupid and incompetent. We see that positive effects emerge if certain points we need in our childhood are met in order to become adults who adapt well to life. So it doesn't have to be perfect. The answer to the question of what a child needs for his development is actually a set of universal needs that every person needs to meet. Things are lying down. A child first needs to feel safe, autonomy, self-esteem, self-expression, realistic boundaries and feeling connected to others. If these are met, the child's psychology progresses healthily. If it is missing; Early maladaptive schemas formed by the damaging effect of these unmet needs develop throughout life. These are our core beliefs about ourselves that are difficult to change. They are self-destructive patterns that begin in childhood and repeat throughout life. One of them is the "failure" schema...
When your schema is triggered in the face of life events, you think you have failed and make the prophecy come true. So failure happens with you. The most important reason for this is that you avoid taking action and postpone your work due to the scheme. You choose not to do anything at all because you are afraid of failing at your job. You compare yourself to other people and think that they are successful and you are unsuccessful. You may even ignore and belittle when you receive praise for your success. You may think that your efforts and efforts towards success are fake, and you may worry that people may notice them. In order to get rid of the trouble you are experiencing, you can establish emotional closeness with successful people and choose them as spouses. You choose to experience success with them. What could be the origins of the failure schema? One of the answers to the question may be that you had parents who criticized your success at school and compared you with your siblings.
Your school success may be affected by a condition such as attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, which affects your study performance and quality of life. It may have been interrupted due to discomfort. However, your parent may not have taught you self-discipline. Therefore, you may not have learned to improve your skills and discipline yourself. As you struggle with your schema, be sure to set realistic expectations and goals for yourself. The important thing when going for your goals is to act gradually and not give up the struggle. Think that it is time to discover your power. It will help� ��
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