The primary feature of borderline personality disorder is a pattern of inconsistency and impulsivity in interpersonal relationships, self-perception, and affect that begins in early adulthood. It is seen in 75% of women. Childhood stories generally include physical and sexual abuse, abandonment, hostile conflicts, and loss of parents. The majority of people with this disorder become more stable in their relationships in their 40s.
Being informed about the disorder your relative is experiencing, accepting that he or she is experiencing the emotions he is experiencing and showing acceptance, expressing what you say simply, encouraging him to take responsibility. It is necessary to encourage him.
Remember that what he does is not done on purpose or on purpose. Accept him as he is, do not be offended, do not abandon him. Accept possible disagreements coolly, calmly and normally, do not get defensive, do not interrupt, and stay listening without interrupting. At that moment, all he wants is to be heard. This may hurt you, it is not easy, but feeling angry is a feature of BPD, it may reflect one aspect of their emotions, or the emotion may suddenly reverse. You should take these into consideration and not take the anger towards you personally.
Even though the emotions and reactions they experience are unusual and intense, they should not be ignored, but it will be useful to understand that they are really experiencing them and show that you understand them, without participating in what they are experiencing. For this, reflecting back what he says like a mirror can be effective. For example, it would be useful to say 'it must not be easy to feel this way' instead of 'what's wrong with this, why do you feel this way?' It is good to be heard and to show that you understand the feelings you are experiencing.
Do not take their anger personally. Do not ask them to cover up or ignore the emotions they are experiencing; it is better for them to use words related to fear, loneliness, feeling unloved, exclusion, anger and hatred than to put them into action.
Do not try to protect them from the consequences of the events they experience, they should learn to learn from their experiences. , If necessary, it can hit the wall. If he does not pay for his actions and someone always makes a sacrifice, he will be rewarded and the behavior will continue.
Do not try to intimidate him, do not be specific about the sanctions you will impose if he does not meet your demands, do not threaten him, resorting to such methods will not yield results. Remind him of his strengths, appreciate his efforts, make him feel that you support him and that you are with him.
Approach events coolly and calmly, take them for granted. They have difficulty coping with difficulties in relationships (exclusion, criticism, intransigence), so create a calm environment.
Include him in the process about what needs to be done when solving problems at home, ask him what can be done and if he wants your help.
There must be limits to what you can lift and endure. State your expectations clearly. While doing this, say it without intimidating or intimidating him.
Do not tolerate tantrums, biting, hitting, and leave the environment to talk later. Dealing with this type of behavior is rewarding them, so it's best not to pay attention.
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