- Intervention in children's crisis
Crisis situations in children may occur for many reasons. Crisis is the helplessness reaction of the child in situations where he cannot cope. This can be seen when the child does not get the grades he wants at school, has problems with his friend group, or has a problem in family relationships that he cannot solve, or when his wishes are not met.
Children who have problems with school and friend relationships. They generally do not show this situation outside but show it when they come home. In this case, emotions such as sadness, complaint and anger are mixed together. The reactions of the parents when the child tries to explain his problems are the most important factor that determines whether the incident will escalate and turn into a crisis.
For example; If the child comes back from school and starts telling about the negative behavior of his friends towards him, and the mother (usually such problems are shared with the mother)starts to criticize him by counting his mistakes in his relationships with friends, the child's sadness may turn into anger and suddenly turn towards the mother and make her feel angry. may accuse him of not understanding. Parents often fall into this situation when they tend to correct their children. When their children start to express their distress about a subject, they begin to criticize them and list where they did wrong or thought wrong. These events often result in the child feeling increasingly cornered, and the child attacks whoever is in front of him.
When you see your child distressed, anxious or angry, the thing to do is to remain as calm as possible. Moments when emotions are very intense are not appropriate moments to educate, criticize or teach the child. In these situations, the best thing to do is to stay calm and teach the child how to cope with his emotions. If your child speaks to you in an angry or disrespectful tone, instead of trying to explain to him or getting into an argument, you should tell him in a calm voice that it is not appropriate to talk in this situation and that it will be appropriate to talk after he calms down and leave the environment. Thus, your child gains the ability to calm himself. While doing this, keep your calm It is affected by what you do. Some children feel more justified and get caught up in their emotions when they find someone trying to comfort them or take them down. However, even if they are right, their reaction is not an appropriate reaction. First of all, they need to learn to explain their rightness appropriately. Therefore, what mothers need to do is to stay as calm as possible, use as few words as possible, if the conflict is not between you and him, make him feel that you are with him by touching him lightly, but spend such moments in a way that helps control intense emotions without making controversial conversations. If the conflict and crisis are related to you, then you need to move away from the environment without continuing the conflict and express to your child in a calm voice that you can talk about this issue when he is calm. In these situations, taking it easy or taking an apologetic attitude usually backfires.
Another mistake parents make in their children's crises is overly identifying with their feelings. When the child tells about an injustice done to him by his friends or teachers, mothers often over-identify with his feelings and forget the function of reassuring and calming the child. They become upset with him and act in support of his rebellion. This approach causes the child to see his/her own feelings and reactions as justified and increases emotionality. When a problem occurs, if the child's behavior does not contribute to the solution of the problem, on the contrary, makes the solution difficult, it is not an appropriate reaction, even if justified, and should not be supported. What mothers need to do in this situation is to wait for the child's intense emotions to calm down and then help him produce more positive solutions.
Crisis moments are moments when intense emotions are experienced. In childhood and adolescence, emotional control is not yet developed and such situations may occur. The duty of parents in these situations is, first of all, to ensure that the child acquires the ability to calm himself and control his emotions in situations where he experiences such emotional intensity. After the emotional intensity calms down, the process of finding a solution by talking can be started.
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