The definition of narcissism includes admiring one's own self, caring excessively about oneself, and ignoring the needs of others around him while doing these. The narcissist uses the people around him as tools to achieve his goal, and devalues these people in his inner world after reaching his goal.
Although he may seem overly self-confident and does not need anyone from the outside, the narcissist is a person who is essentially dependent on the appreciation and attention of others.
In relationships, as in Feridun Düzağaç's song, "Find a man for yourself/Don't let him hold a mirror up to you/Don't let his beautiful face look into you/Don't let him scare you." He makes the person say his verses to the person he wears out in the relationship and then throws aside.
The narcissist feels that he exists as long as he is "mirrored", in other words, to the extent that he is seen, noticed and admired in the eyes of the other. If there is no other around who makes him/her feel this existence, he feels that he needs to remind himself of his existence, this time through substance use, intense masturbation, sexuality, and risky-impulsive behaviors. has gone through a period where the pendulum has swung too far to one side; Our “hero” will also have difficulty connecting to his romantic partners. Going back to the verses of the song, since he will eventually tend to leave his partner who loves him and shows interest in him by looking into his eyes, "looking into that beautiful face" will activate his attachment patterns and this will scare him.
On social media, this will scare him. We see that the processes continue in a more general perspective. Living addicted to the "favs" and "retweets" that come as a result of tweets posted on Twitter, weakening his connection with the world by living most of his daily life in the virtual world, on the other hand, as he is "seen", "followed", tweeted by more users. The number of "social media influencers" who are confident about their existence continues to increase as they "receive responses" to their questions.
Users on Instagram or Facebook share a photo that shows themselves in the coolest way and want the "like" button under the photo to be attacked. It's a movie that can now be watched, n an extreme sport, a foreign country visited, a nice meal, your child's first steps, the first car you bought, the surprise you made for your spouse on Valentine's Day, your lover's return from the military, your graduation, a fun evening you spent with your loved ones..." If it is not shared on social media, maybe it is It has now come to the point of "the moments never happened." “I am seen, therefore I am.”
Advertisements, social media, and an increasingly individualistic culture further fuel the narcissistic patterns of each individual. This situation disrupts love, relationships and marriages, which can be summarized as "prioritizing the loved one over one's own ego". Perhaps our topic is so important that it can be called the "plague of our age". Let's say it's a good thing that there are psychiatrists and psychologists. Does what I said sound “narcissistic”? Actually, this is not a very surprising comment. Because, starting from childhood, every living thing wants to be liked, noticed, and feel special. Ultimately, all people fall into this bag. On the other hand, isn't there actually a desire to be seen by another "other" behind the inventions, scientific developments, and wonderful works of art made throughout human history?
The important thing is not to eliminate the need to be seen, but to fulfill this need in family, work, school life and social relationships. to take it to a functional dimension. For this reason, it is certain that getting help from clinicians when necessary will have a strengthening effect on the improvement of current processes.
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