Anger is difficult to overcome and to live, when it comes, it blinds one's eyes and makes you forget everything; It is a complex emotion that sometimes goes out like a chaff flame, sometimes does not go away, it is both a very useful and necessary emotion, but it can also be very harmful and destructive. In this article, I will try to explain the basis of anger, its emergence and its connection with the past in the light of my observations, experiences and knowledge without boring you as much as possible. They do not accept the existing and try to change it. Being stuck between the regrets of the past and the uncertainty of the future is a dead end even from the most dead end. The past, regrets, disappointments, confusion, sacrifices, sensitivities, resentments, resentments, conflicts, fights and chaos… Even when you read, one sighs, right? The past is a part of our life that we cannot change, which is shaped by what we have lived or not lived, what we have done or not done, what we have achieved or lost, what we loved or disliked, good or bad. Thinking about the past that made you who you are today, remembering your past memories, yourself, your loved ones, experiences, and sharing your past memories with someone and on their social accounts is an attitude observed in most of the people. While thinking about the past is quite possible and normal, it is something that can not make people uneasy, but on the contrary, can give pleasure; Being stuck in the past, drowning in the sadness of not being able to change lives, and even the helplessness and hopelessness of not being able to change it often turn out to be anger, which disrupts the flow of life; What you are today is a behavior that causes you to miss the time and place, causes you to be unable to get out of the past, and prevents you from building the future on healthy foundations. We always hear that a person should be comfortable when he puts the pillow on his head; If there are issues with a clear conscience, a comfortable sleep will be achieved that night, but if there are regrets, sorrows, disappointments, and wishes, then the nights will be haram. Should I do this or say that? When various thoughts, such as how he would do this to me, how dare he did this to me, appear in the mind and accumulate, the hopelessness and helplessness of not being able to change the past and the feeling of anger will inevitably come to an end. Let's examine what anger is and how it arises; We can say that anger is an emotion that a person develops against any situation, event or person that hinders his sense of pleasure, but contrary to this definition, anger is also a highly functional and necessary emotion that protects people and ensures our survival. How can two definitions of the same phenomenon be so contradictory? In line with these definitions, we can divide anger in itself into functional anger and dysfunctional anger. Anger, which is functional, enables us to survive, to protect our boundaries, to be respected, to protect ourselves and our family and loved ones. Getting angry in the face of a situation that disturbs us and seeking our rights, perhaps defending ourselves in the face of an injustice and protecting our borders are important issues. Functional anger protects us, prevents us from being harmed, allows us to survive and even makes us respect ourselves and therefore respect from people, but dysfunctional anger is not a genuine anger that covers up other emotions we usually feel. So, how does such a healthy feeling turn our relationships upside down, almost all of our lives?
Unexpressed, introjected emotions can cause inappropriate and untimely outbursts of anger.
Not expressing what happened so that there is no resentment, no problems, not to upset anyone, not to lose the people around me, and burying it in the depths of one's inner world can lead to bigger problems and violent outbursts of anger. On the other hand, when we look at the basis of anger, emotions such as stress, fear, disappointment, helplessness; Feeling powerless, stressed, and mentally challenged situations can cause a feeling of anger. Situations such as not being able to achieve what they want, being blocked, not meeting their expectations, feeling of inadequacy, loneliness, being exposed to some injustices or disrespect, and feeling that they are not understood correctly are other situations that reveal anger. eg In particular, the person keeps thinking in his mind of the regrets of the past or the excessive sacrifices he has made to people and that these sacrifices are not reciprocated, that he thinks everything, that all the burden is on him, his unlimited effort not to offend people, but that people are destroying him without even thinking about it, his days are ruined, his head is like a winner from thinking. At that time, he could not find the clothes he wanted in the closet, there are many clothes in the closet, but when he cannot find what he wants, then the switches are thrown. He screams at what his eyes see, he has turned into a nerve cube. I was going to wear that outfit, how could it be dirty, you don't think about me at all, you can't guess what I will wear, riots like whether it doesn't matter what clothes I want to wear. When we look at this clothing issue, we see that the disappointments, sadness, regret that accumulate in the person can emerge as a violent anger with a small spark (just a matter of clothing). There is such anger that it breaks down and spills out, and the person can enter into a constant tension and conflict with those around him. We went only on clothes, but we can give unlimited examples, and these examples are unique to each person's life and examples can be given to that person because everyone's sadness, resentment, anger, experiences are unique to them. Sadness, disappointment, regret are heavy emotions, these emotions are difficult to experience and are often covered by another emotion, and often it is anger that covers these emotions. Because no one can easily notice the sadness in a person who has become angry with him, and as the dose of anger increases, no one dares to ask him what is wrong with him. This angry state also appears from the outside, the gaze straightens and the eyes narrow; lips are pressed together, body temperature and heart rate increase; body posture becomes swelled. For this reason, anger appears in the form of an emotional accumulation or emotional explosion that is extremely difficult to prevent. At this point, the basis of the accumulation of emotions in dysfunctional anger is in ruins. As we talk about anger in psychotherapy sessions, we see that the emotions he feels are expressed as anger, on the basis that the issue is not anger. ;
Anger is such an emotion that on the one hand, "an identity without anger is an identity that has disappeared", on the other hand, anger is an emotion that poisons one's life. Getting rid of the harmful parts of this complex emotion and experiencing healthy anger will clear most blockages in one's life and impair breathing; Maybe it will bring calmness and peace to your life that fluctuates and cannot be stopped…
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