''Dear parents;
When raising our children, let's pay attention to how much of the behavior we expect from them, rather than setting rules. The best listeners and observers we will encounter in the world are children. By taking examples from many studies, I have summarized for you what kind of attitude the parents of successful children follow from a very young age.''
Enjoy reading...
Beray BILDİRİR TOHUM
COMMON CHARACTERISTICS OF PARENTS OF SUCCESSFUL CHILDREN
Good parents want their children to stay out of trouble, do well in school, and go on to do great things as adults. Although there is no clear prescription for raising successful children, some psychological research points to some factors that are likely to lead to success.
And it reveals a not surprising fact: A large portion of these factors depend on the parents. is developing.
Here are 8 common attitudes shown and possessed by the parents of successful children:
1. They make their children do the housework.
“If kids don't do the dirty dishes themselves, someone is doing it for them,” says Julie Lythcott-Haims, a former dean of Stanford University.
“Thus, "They avoid doing work, but they also miss the opportunity to learn that there is work to be done and that each of us should contribute to making life better," says the former dean. He believes that because they know personally what it is like to be challenged, they are more empathetic and able to undertake independent tasks. The former dean bases his view on the Harvard Grant Study, the longest-running study ever conducted: "By having them do household chores, like taking out the garbage and doing their own laundry, we help them understand that to be a part of life, you have to do life-related things."
2. They teach their children social skills.
Pennsylvania State University and Duke University researchers, 7 It followed 00 children from kindergarten through age 25 and found a significant correlation between the social skills they had as kindergarteners and their success as adults two decades later.
According to nearly 20 years of research, responsibility from an early age is evident. It has been concluded that children given this program show much more signs of motivation in both their social and economic lives in their 20s. Children with more limited social skills are more prone to crime, substance abuse problems or psychological problems.
“This research shows that one of the most important things we can do to prepare children for a healthy future is to ensure that they acquire social and emotional skills. shows” Kristin Schubert.
3. They have high expectations.
In a study of 6,600 children born in 2001, University of California professor Neal Halfon and his colleagues found that parents' expectations for their children had an extreme impact on achieving them.
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“Parents who see college in their children's future seem to direct their children toward that goal, regardless of their income and assets,” says Halfon.
These findings also emerged in the test results: 96 percent of the children who got the best results parents expected their children to enter university.
This is parallel to another psychological finding: the Pygmalion effect, also known as the expectation effect. This phenomenon, also called "self-fulfilling prophecy", is explained as a person exhibiting behavior that corresponds to the expectations of others (especially people he sees as superior to himself in some respect) after a while. When it comes to children, we see that children live according to their families' expectations.
4. They establish healthy relationships with each other.
A study from the University of Illinois says that children in conflicting families who are divorced or still together are in worse situations than children whose parents get along well. Additionally, professor Robert Hughes Jr., who led the study, said: He adds that children with one non-conflicting parent are in a better situation than children with two conflicting parents.
“Conflict between parents before divorce also affects children negatively. Post-divorce conflict has a much stronger impact on children's stability,” says Hughes.
One study shows that if a father without legal custody has frequent contact with his children after divorce and there is little conflict between the parents, the children will still be fine. They may be in this situation. However, if there is conflict, the father's frequent contact may be associated with children's balance disorder.
In another study, individuals in their 20s whose parents divorced when they were children report that they experience pain and sadness even 10 years after their parents' divorce. Those who report a lot of conflict between their parents experience more feelings of loss and regret.
5. They are highly educated.
In a 2014 study conducted by the University of Michigan, psychologist Sandra Tang found that mothers who completed high school or college were more likely to raise children who did the same.
The study of 14,000 children who entered kindergarten between 1998 and 2007 found that children whose mothers were very young (18 years old or younger) were less likely than their peers to finish high school or go to college.
6. They teach their children mathematics from an early age.
A study conducted on 35,000 kindergarten children in America, Canada and England in 2007 revealed that developing mathematics skills at an early age can be a huge advantage.
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“The extraordinary importance of early math skills—starting school knowing numbers, number order, and the most basic math operations—was the most puzzling and surprising result we got from this research,” said Northwestern University researcher Greg Duncan. “Acquiring mathematical skills at an early age determines not only future mathematics success, but also reading success.”
7. They establish relationships with their children.
Poor people According to a 2014 study on 243 people born at birth, children who are "cared for with sensitivity and sensitivity" in the first three years of their lives not only succeed in the academic tests they take in childhood, but also form healthier relationships and achieve greater academic success in their 30s. .
Parents who care for their children with sensitivity and sensitivity react immediately and appropriately to their children's signals and provide their children with a safe foundation to explore the world.
“The efforts put into the early parent-child relationship, “In the long run, it returns to individuals' lives as a positive accumulation,” says Lee Raby, a psychologist at the University of Minnesota.
8. They are less stressed.
According to a study published in the Washington Post, the amount of hours children ages 3 to 11 spend together with their mothers tells us little about the child's behavior, general health or achievements. says.
Furthermore, helicopter parenting or “overloaded mothering” can be counterproductive.
“Mothers' stress – especially when mothers are trying to balance work with trying to spend time with their children – "Their children may be affected very badly by this," says Kei Nomaguchi, a sociologist at Bowling Green State University.
The contagion of emotions, or the psychological phenomenon of people "catching" emotions from each other as if they were catching the flu, allows us to explain this. Research shows that if your friend is happy, that happiness will rub off on you; If he is sad, that sadness will also be transferred to you. Therefore, if a parent is exhausted and angry, this emotional state can be transferred to the children.
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