From time to time, one of the parties may propose to take a break from the relationship. So, is it possible to freeze the relationship and then continue from where it left off?
One of the biggest tests in lover, partner or marriage relationships is how to handle differences and disagreements. When couples disagree on some issues, their arguments often turn into an argument and then a fight. Two people who love each other may stop talking in a loving way and start hurting each other later in the relationship. One party may hurt the other, blame, complain, be too demanding, or suspicious. Continuing the relationship in this way may cause injury to both parties and lead to an irreparable end. If such a relationship cycle has been entered, it would be appropriate for both parties to take a break from the relationship for a while.
– What could be the basis of this request?
The basis of this request Emotions differ between men and women. What women need is relationship. Therefore, women try to solve the problems they experience while they are in a relationship. When there is a mutual disagreement, the woman wants to talk and solve the problem, while the man's feeling is to move away and try to solve the problem himself. Therefore, if a woman comes with such an offer, her feeling is despair about the relationship. It signals that your needs are not met in the relationship and that if the relationship continues like this, it may end. If the person making such an offer is a man, the man's feeling is more of suffocation, occupation, and desire to create space for himself. Male and female brains work differently at this point. While women always want to be in relationships, men need to spend time alone and be independent. This creates conflict within the relationship.
How does the other party feel in such a situation?
If it is a man who wants to take a break from the relationship, the first thing women think about is the possibility of another woman. . In such a situation, the woman may feel intense fear or anxiety about abandonment. The important detail here is this. Both parties must jointly determine a time when making such a decision. Could be a week or a month r. The feeling of uncertainty makes the woman very uncomfortable, and she may think, "What if we never meet again?" He/she may seek another partner out of anxiety of abandonment or fear of being alone. Having a mutually determined time period allows both parties to look at the relationship from an outside perspective. It enables them to see their mistakes, shortcomings and mistakes in the relationship.
If the person who wants to take a break from the relationship is a woman, the man's feeling is primarily confusion, and when he understands his woman's clarity, he feels anger and inadequacy. The feeling that a man demands most in the relationship is to be appreciated and liked. is the feeling. A man needs his sexual performance, intelligence and success to be appreciated in a relationship. Women tend to meet these needs of the man early in the relationship. As the relationship progresses, the woman's appreciation and admiration begins to decrease. At this stage, when such a request comes from the woman, the man feels that he has failed and is inadequate. The emotion he shows externally is mostly anger or indifference. This is the feeling he feels inside.
– If there are frequent arguments, if there is hesitation regarding commitment, love or affection, if there is not enough satisfaction from the relationship.
or in case of problems similar to these, could it be a good option to take a break from the relationship and evaluate the situation even for a while?
Of course. If such a process has been entered into, it would be beneficial for both parties to step away and review their expectations from the relationship. What do I expect from my partner? How much of this expectation can my partner meet? It would be appropriate for people to answer these questions on their own.
– What is the probability of continuing after taking a break?
The basic feeling underlying the request for a break is to continue again. request. If one of the partners comes with such a request, he or she makes such a suggestion out of concern for how to continue the relationship rather than ending it. The relationship is two-sided. My experience is that if partners choose each other, the mental distress of both partners is close to each other. In other words, one person in the relationship is seventy percent problematic and the other is thirty percent problematic. I have not come across such a relationship yet. We are souls As a person, we like people who are similar to us, and we fall in love with people who are similar to us. Therefore, in such a situation, if one of the partners comes with such a request, we can say that that person has started to see the problems in the relationship more clearly.
– Not only limiting this situation to relationships, but also addressing it within marriage
if necessary... How is the institution of marriage affected?
When we say marriage, many different social and sociological aspects of the business come into play. Similarly, in the marriage relationship, setting a joint period of time and not seeing each other for a while will enable both parties to look at their relationship more objectively. If possible, it would be appropriate not to tell the people around this process. It can be told to a few close friends, but when families get involved, the feelings of both parties become less objective. It turns into a debate about who is right.
– How should this be explained to children?
This situation should be explained to children in a realistic way. We cannot agree with your mother (father) on some issues. I will live in a different house for about a month. You can engage with me whenever you want. An explanation such as "You can call me whenever you need" will be sufficient. What is important here is the feeling felt when explaining this to the child. If you explain it with an angry, scared, helpless feeling, the child will of course be very affected by this process. But spouses should first clarify this issue within themselves, digest their feelings, and then try to explain this issue to the child.
– At what stage should expert support come into play?
Expert support It should come into play at the point where both parties maintain respect for each other but decide they cannot handle disagreements. Couples usually consult a specialist as a last resort after using all their credit to each other. Here too, one of the parties usually ends the relationship in their mind. In other words, it's not for support purposes, but because we don't get along, the expert approved it, so they're going to break up.
Everything goes great in the beginning of the relationship. Over time, as they get closer, problems begin to arise. The man's expectations from the woman are to complete the feelings that were missing in his childhood. Appreciation, admiration, love, Like freedom, it varies from person to person. Women's expectations from men are also feelings that were missing in their childhood. In other words, both parties want their spiritual needs that were not satisfied in childhood to be met. Women's needs are love, affection, protection, not being abandoned, commitment and trust. These needs within the relationship begin to not be met over time. It is important to get expert support at this stage. It is important for both parties to see each other as adults. The parties find that the feelings they are trying to meet are not the feelings they need as adults, but the feelings they lacked as children. At this stage, couples who come to therapy often experience an awakening in their relationships. And they stop conflicting with each other and get in touch with their own inner world. Their expectations from the relationship become more realistic and mature. Most importantly, he sees that the other is not his mother or father. Sexual relationships become much more satisfying and enjoyable. They enjoy spending time together as well as spending time separately. In other words, they are both free and bonded and safe in the relationship.
– My Suggestions for Couples
My observation is that couples constantly do an activity together, like conjoined twins. My suggestion to couples is to find activities where they enjoy spending time on their own. For example, if one of the couples goes for a walk, the other stays at home and reads a book. There is a hormone in our brain that enables bonding. Its name is oxytocin. Oxytocin begins to be secreted when we hug for a few minutes. When it decreases, the brain needs this hormone. This hormone is not lost in couples who travel together all the time. Therefore, the pleasant feeling experienced with the other is not achieved. Couples who move away from each other from time to time and spend time separately are more connected to each other and are more enjoyable when they are together.
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